Week 20

[youngfirsttimer]

So my last ultrasound didnt go as planned. Although everything looked normal, the baby kept its legs closed and wouldnt allow me to see whether there was a peepee there or a choochoo lol. It has been messing with me ever since. I dont know why, but it IS a big deal to me. I keep trying to figure out why its so important, I mean regardless, boy or girl, it is my baby and I'll love him/her the same but I need to know. I think it will make things a little more real to me. Not knowing makes it less real to me. Im 5 months and still sometimes feel like this is all a dream. I feel the little kicks and smile to myself at night when I do, but I want to know him/her more. I want to give him/her a name already. Make it personal.

I made an appointment outside of my health care facility to try and find out the gender for 108 dollars. My boyfriend isnt so happy about it and says it is a waste of money. He's just cheap. Either way, Im glad he came around and is doing his part so far to help out with furniture and stuff, hes sticking it out and being a troop about it, he's even happy now and talks a lot about our future. Its crazy how much of a turn around he made.

I cant believe its only 4 months away. The day I'll meet my little baby. The day I'll for once, hold him/her in my arms and lay a soft kiss on the forehead. Am I looking forward to staying up all night to crying and never getting more than 3 hours sleep at a time? NO! I am looking forward to singing him/her to sleep, to being able to stare in amazement at the beautiful life that we created, to seeing the first smile, first crawl, first lift of the head... I cant wait. Im jumping ahead of myself I know, but I do know how fast time flies by and its scary to think that one day 18 years will have passed me by and I'll be looking into the eyes of my own grandchild.

Having a baby opens your eyes to things you never knew or acknowledged. Life is a revolving circle full of creation and creativity. Its sad and painful but beautiful. My hormones are whacked, as you can see.

[MSugarKane]

Sep. 18, 2009 at 8:09 AM

I never knew until birth with all four of my daughters what sex they were

[yay4pink]

Sep. 18, 2009 at 11:22 AM

I completely understand how you feel.  I just found out yesterday but the ultrasound tech didnt tell me until the very end and I almost thought she wasn't going to tell me.  I knew that either way I was going to be thrilled just to know that I made my child regardless if it was a boy or girl but I was DYING TO KNOW!  And when she told me the sex I cried because I was watching the screen and feeling the kicks and it did make it more real to me... like now I know my child.  I know other people are going to read this and think I'm crazy but it's true.  I guess in my opinion it just feels more real when you know the sex because you don't say "he or she" you can now talk to you child by their name.  I don't know.. but I wish you the best of luck because I would have been extremely disappointed if I couldn't find out the sex [not that it makes a difference].  I hope you can find out soon.  Good luck & feel better.. remember: your baby loves you =]

 

  interracial love <3

[RaRa921]

Sep. 19, 2009 at 10:23 PM

I didn't find out because I am not going to find out.  Sometimes it really does bug me and I want to know. But I want the surprise more than anything.  This is my first so it doesn't matter to me if it is a boy or girl, just as long as it is healthy!  Good luck to you.