I have moved you out of my heart, and you dont even know

[Bearsjen]

I feel so free finally. I have finally realized, you do not deserve me at all. I am watching a bridal gown show, and it makes me think of marrying the man of my dreams...its not you I dont think. I mean yeah, when you want to treat me right, you are my ideal man, full of faith and hope and love. But usually-your just a pig. I look at you sometimes and I really want to laugh because you have no idea what you have done. i see you pout and get nasty and act like a little boy who has been told to share toys for the first time and I think" oh you sad sad little boy". When I leave, and believe me I will, you will have lost the best thing that could have ever happened to you. I am not at all conceited in saying this, it is just a simple truth that I hear resonate inside of me....you do not deserve any of the gift I bring. My laughter, my loving heart, the way I defend you to your family who treat you like dogshit, treat you like a bastard. but then again maybe they have been right all along, maybe I have been defending the wrong person. Maybe your father is right when he shakes his head and says that you are not  a grown responsible man, maybe your mom is right when she says you cant deal with reality and cant ever take responsibility. Maybe what I should be saying is"they are right and you need alot of changes to be with someone like me". am I perfect? hell no. but I am glorious and wonderful, I am sweet and positive and I am all the things that you should be attracted to. but instead you now hate those things about me, you hate that thru adversity I dont fall apart and drink and lose everything. You hate that I can survive, with you without you, with nothing to do with you. i had a life before you,a nd I will have one again...i am making it now. You can verbally and emotionally knock me around all you want my love-but the jig is up,, the secrets out. you know it and I know it...your darkest fear come to lite...you dont deserve me

and now I am once again the one with the power, the one in control. because if I feel like it I will go. for now this is my house, my home-have made it so way more than you ever tried. Where as I used to panic and beg you to love me and stay...now there is silence. Now inside I think "how many hours til you go to work so I can have my home back". you have sucked the life love lite and interest out of this relationship. I hope one day you hurt, so deep and so long that you never can lift your head again. and in a dark little corner of your mind a great bellow will come that screams"you lost jenni, you lost everything." God you are so so stupid.....

and somewhere I will feel a slight chill, blow it off as a breeze, and go on with my life.

goodbye, in my heart, you dont live here anymore.  

[RosePetalTears]

Sep. 21, 2009 at 11:37 PM

i'm glad you finally know what a wonderful person you are! you can get thru anything!

[LuvMyBellaGirl]

Nov. 18, 2009 at 1:58 PM

I'm sorry, Jenn.  I hope things are going MUCH better for you these days.  I'm always here if you need a shoulder....