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Journey back to me.. day 3
- Sep 21, 2009 at 7:45 PM
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Well, today has been a great day for the most part. I took the med I thought I as reacting to and this time I didn't go outside till well after 4 hours since I took it. I found no reaction.. Thank GOD litterlly.
I also found a few women that have helped me gracously with lending an ear and support. They have been there and they are now surviving. I admire them and thank them for sharing their stories and their friendship with me. I also thank them for their support.
I have learned now that I am not alone and this could be a long Journey back to me. I have been through alot and I have things that I have yet to deal with. I know with faith, God, friendship, support family, and the right tools I will make it back to me. The Journey is only beginning.
Today I called the doctor and since no reaction I shall continue on my Kopolin. I also made a phone call believe it or not when I asked for phone therapy it was first unheard of and then I was told it was just out right illegal. So remember if you need therapy you will have to get there some how. I also discovered that here in this rinky dink of a small farm down there is a therapist that comes here every Wed. I was thrilled to hear that. It was like a piece of me was smiling inside. I mean now I can again talk to someone and though I know it will be hard and many tears will fall. I will find my way back to me. I will have to wait to see this therapist till Oct 14. Which I am not so thrilled about.
Next I was also faced with my first real challenge today. I as left here by myself... Now before it wasn't a problem I kinda of looked forward to being alone to nap or just watch a good movie. Today was different when learned that I was to be alone in the house for 5 hours I was going nuts. This gave me time to worry about needless things, become nervous as one can be on a med, and panic a bit. I knew that the only way I could stop this maddness was to remove myself from the house. Not an easy task if you now panic when leaving the house. I told myself I needed to do this and down the road I went. It wasn't till I came to the gym that I started to panic. See I can't really deal with alot of people right now it becomes overwhelming and over stimulating. Needless to say when I walked in the doors I could have fainted.. I stayed strong heck this was the gym I practicly lived in for 5 months before I got this way 2 months ago.
I was never more proud of myself .. I walked on the tredmill for 30 mins and then did the bike for another 10 mins. Then I felt just like my old self. Ahh what a feeling that was to feel that again. Short lived but it was great. I steped outside and again panic rasied it's ugly head. I got in the car and drove around making myself avoid fleeing back home. I drove around for 10 mins and then I went home I found that something that I had done a thousand times was now the hardest thing I had ever done. I was proud and happy and then .. I was home.
Now I sit in my living room enjoying the silence of the house setteling, the typing of my son on this pc, and the tv in the other room. I am finally relaxed.. Knowing that I will treasure today... All because I had friends that supported me, I didn't allow panic to consume me, and I took control ... I cannot say that I will be this strong tommrow only that I hope to me.
Anyone knows that has suffers from or has suffered from stress, anxiety, depression, and painic attacks that it is not fixed in one day. It takes along time to feel like you or close to you. You have to take it one day at a time. And you have to make the good days count and remember those good days when your having your worst days.
Know your never alone and you can always find somone to share your story with as they will share theirs. You will find that one day you can survive this and share with others that it's part of life, it nabs you one day and you have to deal with out you cant just ignore it for it will only make you sick or cause you to become enclosed in your house forever.
I am thankful for today.. and for the days to come. Why because even though I have this I am alive!
To be cont....... for days to come..
Comments:
Fantastic ... I am so happy for you ... and atta girl ... you should be so proud of your self today ... I am .. every day will get a little easier ... I'm here for you .
I am sad to say .. last night around 8pm I had a start of a panic attack. It was just like the first ones I had .. It was all because I was doing nothing but relaxing and enjoying the time talking with others on the pc. Then it just came on. If you have ever had these and think they will go away on their on they wont. I have talked with women that ignore them and then end up with massive health problems Please!! seek help and stop this early! I wish I had.
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YAY on the med!!!! Wow...wonder if the sun caused the spots?Whatever the reason...YAY for NO reaction!! I'm so glad you've found some support...I definitely do NOT think you are alone in how you are feeling! And, while it may be a long way back to you....you are on your way!
Omgosh on the "phone therapy"....I wonder why it's not allowed? Oh well...at least you asked -- and yay for finding a therapist that does come there!! :-) That's a bit of a wait...but, help is on the way! :-)
WONDERFUL JOB TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You did GREAT! I am proud of you!!! Wow...you really did refuse to accept anything but what YOU wanted today....that's GREAT!!! And, you got exercise in too..woohoo! LOL! :-) You know...you are right!!! Just take ONE DAY at a TIME! That's all you have to do and if you stumble...tomorrow's another day....but, I really think you taking control and doing what you knew you needed to do worked!
Seriously...you did an amazing job today of taking care of YOU! I'm so glad you were able to do so many things that benefited YOU!! YAY, Congrats, woohoo, perfect! :-) Carry on!!! ;-)
- Lb128f
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