mother vs husband

[autiemommy2]

Once again, I'm stuck in the middle and playing referee to two immature people that are older than me. One being my husband, the other being my mother.

My DH hates my mom. My mom hates my DH. I've accepted this fact. I don't make them get along. I don't get involved. I let them say whatever they want to say and leave it alone. I don't tell the other one what is being said. I just let them vent, despite how shitty it makes me feel. I also refuse to take sides. But almost daily, I am put in the middle of their bullshit.

Well, yesterday, shit hit the fan big time. About 3 months ago, my mom came up for a visit - even though I asked her not to. DH wasn't happy. The weekend didn't go well - it was my 30th birthday and it was downright shitty - for me. Anyway, after she left, DH posted a note on Facebook about his view of the weekend and said a bunch of terrible things about my mom. I asked him not to post it, but he did. It's his page, his feelings, etc. and I let it be b/c he's entitled to how he feels, whether I like it or not. The problem is that he has some of my family members on his page.

Yesterday, my brother (who also hates my DH) requests him as a friend. DH adds him... and the my brother send the note to my mom. She send the email and tells me she wants to talk about it. Then she immediately calls me. She tells me to open my email, and I do. I see the note... and I say "okay". She blew up at me. She yelled at me, cussed me, and blamed me for the content in the note. I did not get to say one word b/c he hung up on me! I was LIVID!

I called DH in to the room and cussed him out for causing a further rift in my family b/c he can't let go and accept the fact that mother is who she is and she isn't going to change - same with his mother, whom I hate and is a total bitch to me. I try calling my mother back, but she won't answer, so I left a shitty voicemail, cussing her back and telling her how pathetic and immature she was for not only blaming me for something I did not say, nor do I feel, but also for hanging up on me. Then I cussed my DH further, called her again and left another voicemail telling her to fuck off. I sat down and emailed her and told her that since she wasn't going to hear me out, then I had nothing to explain and I wasn't going to defend anything through an email b/c I am an adult that can have a conversation. I called my brother and cussed him out as well.

I then got on facebook and deleted all of my family from DH's page. I deleted my mother and brother from my page and the deleted the page we made for our children (so that all family members could keep up with our children, getting the same information - since we've had drama with that too).

My mother emailed me back with so much misinformation that it made me that much more pissed off. I lost it. I emailed her back with everything she didn't know and told her to kiss my ass b/c I am not going to apologize for not having feelings but expressing them; or for my DH having feelings and expressing them. I told her and DH that I was no longer involved in their drama and that I'm not going to deal with anymore bullshit from either them about the other one. I'm done. It's not my job to make to grown ass people be more mature. I have 3 children now. My job is raising my children, not settling petty shit between them. I refuse to take sides. I called both of them out on shit that I have been quiet about for 5 years. I don't feel remorse, guilt, or regret. And I'm not sorry. I have no reason to be sorry b/c they can't get along for my sake. I don't care if they hate each other, but putting me in the middle has stopped.

Today is my mother's birthday. I sent her an email stating "Happy Birthday". I refuse to call. I refuse to be blamed for someone else's feelings. I refuse to take sides. I refuse to be put in the middle. I refuse to apologize. I refuse to blamed any more for shit that is not my fault or problem. I refuse. I'm done.

I'm sure I will get shit from some of you, but I don't care. I've had it and I'm not biting my tongue ever again. Other feel they can say what they want and I'm can't retaliate, but that is not the case. I have a backbone and I will use it. I've been trying to keep the peace for far too long. Now they can grow up and deal with their own issues with each other. I've had it. D-O-N-E.

[ethans_momma06]

Sep. 22, 2009 at 10:59 AM

When I got married my parents totally hated my DH and he hated them. It SUCKED. I refused, absolutly positively REFUSED to throw my self in the middle of it. I would create a few oppertunities so that they could do what they wanted but did not ask or pry about it after.

And they vented....and it was soooo freaking hard on me. Excuse me, this is my FAMILY you are talking about! This is the father of my child!

I am happy to say that things are tolerable now, almost nice. I don't blame you at all for keeping yourself out of their issues, and I certainly don't blame you for having enough.

Hopefully now this will be a wake up call for your DH and your Mom to get their crap together (between each other). I hope that things improve..