Need Advice Please!!! Should I Leave??

[nightowl32779]

How do I start?  I am a SAHM to a 3yo. son and a 5 yo. daughter who just started Kindergarten this year.  I can't take much more of my marriage.  First off, my husband is NOT abusive (physically or verbally that is).  DH works 2:30 p.m.-2:30a.m.  He only sees dd for 30 min. before school and that's only bc I wake him up and on the weekends, which they are making Saturdays mandatory and recruiting for Sunday, please before you get started I am very fortunate that he has a job I know many aren't this lucky.  But this is the LEAST of our problems.

MIL (his mom) lives 2 houses down from us and no she doesn't bother him bc he is never home.  She unloads onto me.  She does baby sit (not currently once I found out what is going on) but that's only bc she REALLY wants to, she gets upset when I don't let her.  Last Friday my mom was over visiting me and the kids and our neighbors (the one in between me and MIL) were outside eating dinner on their deck and we were outside playing with the kids.  My MIL was out cutting her lawn during all this.  Next thing I know I look over and Matt (neighbor) leaps off his deck running over to my MIL's and Rhonda (his wife and my friend) yells across their yard to me "It's Barb!"  It hits me and I hear my MIL screaming and shreaking and the lawn mower stop.  She managed to tip it over on it's side after flipping the front end over and her leg is pinned.  I go running (kids tailing behind) get to her house Matt already picked the mower up off of her leg but she is crying hysterically (in front of the kids).  I run like mad back to my house to call 911.  Which she absolutely refused so they couldn;t come out they said is she wasn't willing to accept their help.  Rhonda checks her out (she used to work in a hospital) and determines nothing is broke but my MIL is full of metal from a car accident in 2000.  So we weren't sure if she crushed any of the plates and rods in her leg.  I called John (my dh and her son) told him what happened and to come home NOW (he was at work).  Soon as I told MIL this she starts crying all over again to please let him stay at work that I can do this without him, ugghhh.   I told her no way you already bailed on going by ambulance and the neighbors had to talk her out of driving herself, now the hospital is 30 miles away and is located in a big city which is very busy and full of traffic.  I was like you can't drive besides I didn't want her hurting someone else in the process out of her selfishness.  So my mom stayed with the kids and I drove MIL and dh met us at the hospital.  She ended up staying the night and being totally fine.

Now here's the kicker all the way there she couldn't tell me enough how I was just trying to get her back in the nursing home to get rid of her (she was in there about four years ago for rehab when she broke her hip).  I was so angry that I told her if I really wanted to get rid of her I would've just put the damn lawn mower in reverse and finish her off that way! ( Don't take that seriously this is our humor and that's the only way I can deal without losing it, so I didn't mean it).  She always cuts me down behind John's back and he doesn't get how bad she is to me.  I have sat him down and talked numerous times to him and it's in one ear and out the other.  I seriously don't think he cares, and I feel a lack of respect from him and his mother.  Here's another thing that's gonna make your jaw drop and as I said earlier she doesn't babysit now that I know this, she is a widow by the way.  She has a man (middle aged) do little handy work chores for her.  He is the bother to my kids godmother.  She (kids godmother) tells me after all this I was wondering if you aren't letting the kids with your MIL anymore because you found out my brother is a registered SEX OFFENDER, because if that's the case I would be mad at you because he raped his exgirlfriend bc they were both wasted and she provoked him, but don't worry she was an adult.   WHAT???!!!  Are you fucking serious??!!  I says no I didn't but now they won't be there bc he is always popping in over at MILs and doing "work" and plays with my kids!  And their godmother (his sister) thinks I am a bitch for not wanting them around him, which I don't think I can trust MIL to keep him away from them bc she wants the best of two worlds.  Sorry I have to go with my gut on this and keep those kids away from him.  DH is like yeah keep em away from him, but let MIL do what she wants if she wants him over there but needs to be able to get him out of there when the kids are over.  Whcih I know she doesn't want to confont him bc then he will be mad and not do work for her.  To that I say tough rocks, her grandkids are more important and she needs to tell him why he can't be around them anymore!  MIL tells me oh well I will keep the kids in the house when he outside doing work.  Umm no fucking way bc he will want to come in for something and she won't be able to tell him no. 

I am so mad at all of them including dh bc he's the jerk that insisted we build our house next to MIL (we've been here 6 yrs) and I am always put on the back burner due to his mother and his job.  He tells me toinght he is gonna call me at a certain time and then sends me a text saying that he will be busy during that time he will call me later (he is at work but still).  Besides I had to run him to the ER twice also this weekend (the day after his mom flips the mower over on herself) bc he through is back out.  But they're too busy for me when I need help and when I talk he doesn' even listen.   Help please!  Do you think I should leave I am really not happy but I don't want to burden my kids ( they are so young and I would have to put the 3 yo. in daycare so I could work if I leave) but they really don't validate my feelings at all.  Please don't bash or put me down, my MIL does enogh of that and I have already talked to dh numerous time about this.  It seems to do no good.

[AshleyNicole85]

Sep. 24, 2009 at 11:23 PM

If you're not haapy leave! It may not seem like the best for your children, but having an un happy mother sint so great either, also sounds like alot of drama going on kids shouldnt be in the middle of. Alot of people say "well i have to think of my kids first" but it's not that easy you have to take care of yourself and your happiness to be a good mother and role model! good luck!

[MSugarKane]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 9:13 AM

Real sex offenders are very patient people. They make friends with the children, sometimes for years, gaining thier friendship and trust then go in for the strike.

What I would do if I were you is keep my babies away from him at all times.  I would only let her babysit IN my house and never allow this man IN my home at any time.  

Moviing isn't going to be your greatest answer if she is going to continue to be around this man.  It only puts distance between the homes and you will have less chance of knowing if he is around or not to get your children tied to your apron strings while he is in her home.

I would be a bitch about it.  I would state loud and clear and do let the children learn to be VERY afraid of him.