Hello, my name is Tahirih and I'm an addict.

[bltcahill]

I have been an addict for two and a half years.
I used to find release in it, a way to feel more connected to the world.  I found that there were others like me. we could joke about our "addiction." I can quit anytime I want.  It's like an off switch, just flip it and I'm done. Right?  I just don't want to be done yet. 
I enjoy it.
If I'm having a bad day, I can just sit down and unwind for a while.  If the kids are screaming, I have an excuse to ignore them for a bit. 
Until that little bit became more and more.
It started infringing upon my daily activities. chores. cooking. cleaning. You know, all those things that are part of maintaining a household. 
Now I do it around DH.  My 3 year old has started commenting on my habit.
I feel bad. I know I should stop.  Just walk away.  But.  But.  Just one more? 
Just one more.
Until that one becomes two. three. four.
Each day I can find a new reason to keep coming back.  I know that time is slipping through my fingers.  Sliding faster and faster. Each grain of sand a moment.  Wasted?  But nonetheless one I cannot get back. 
I contemplate it each morning, afternoon and evening.  Is this what I should be doing right now?
But I am attracted to it, like a moth to a flame.  I look for that comforting glow, that soothing click. click.
click.
click.
clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick
click.
All I have to do is find that little red 'X'. That's all.
But my fingers look for one more thing.  That's all.  Just one more.

I will do better tomorrow.  That is all I can tell myself. 



Hi.  My name is Tahirih, and I'm addicted to the internet.

[WindyTheWidow]

Sep. 24, 2009 at 10:25 PM

Yeah, I know what you mean, lol.

[RanaAurora]

Sep. 24, 2009 at 11:34 PM

You and me both.

[MSugarKane]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 9:04 AM

Do find the X.  

[bltcahill]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 11:39 AM

MSugarKane- if I do bring myself to click that little X, you wouldn't have anymore of my witty journals to read....

Crap, I'm rationalizing, aren't I.  Back to step one....   :P 

(Original Poster)

[evwsquared]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 1:36 PM

To prove the depths of my addiction, I've been trying to insert a lolcat here, but it's not working. Trust me. I'm addicted.

[MelanieLouise]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 1:46 PM

Step one is admitting you have a problem, so you're off to a good start. :)

[bltcahill]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 1:59 PM

evw- you have no idea how much time I spent on lolcats trying to find one to put in a friend request yesterday. Instead I got a new desktop background....

(Original Poster)

[mtnmama111]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 2:01 PM

The only way I was able to *fight* my CM addiction was to move and have no internet for 3 weeks- as soon as we got it back- LOL- here I am!!!

[bltcahill]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 2:47 PM

Oh, and Melanie, I don't see you donning your "Hello, my name is..." sticker.  Denial, anyone?

(Original Poster)

[laurelsmama]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 2:48 PM

Oh boy, do I feel your pain!  Lol.