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An unusual birth story- yes- there is DRAMA!!!
- Sep 25, 2009 at 1:50 PM
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I would like to share the birth story of my second grrl. It has had more impact on our family life than a normal birth would... keep reading to understand why.
A little background may be in order to understand the situation. When I met my hubby he had come to Yosemite because his mother was working here. He left EVERYTHING behind. He had a drug problem (the meth monster had him). [He has been clean for over 11 years now...]
He arrived at his mother's with the clothes on his back. In order for him to keep his sobriety- he understood that he had to completely remove himself from his previous life- so he did. Understand also that he had been sent to state rehab for a misdemeanor drug possession charge. That rehab was no good- they were actually told by the counselor that relapse was part of recovery!!! Of course- that gave all of the addicts (hubby included) *permission* to go out and get high- it was *expected* of them... the difference being that my hubby went back to court and TOLD them that their program didn't work and why- then he went and found himself a real counselor and paid for it himself!!! When I met him he was litter-picking as his sentence- community service. I used to go out litter picking with him so I KNOW he actually did the work.
Anyways, fast forward 3 years... we are at the hospital for the birth of our second child. They didn't believe me when I told them she was coming that day... I wasn't dilated enough for them- but I knew from my previous birth that once my water breaks- all hell breaks loose. So instead of going home like they told me to do (we lived over an hour away) we went out to the parking lot and I labored on my feet leaning on my hubby. Now- you need to understand as well that we are both 6 feet tall- but I am bigger than my hubby NOW by about 50 pounds- pregnant I was 100 pounds bigger and he has two ruptured discs in his back. So after leaning on him through contractions for several HOURS we went back inside to get me admitted. They didn't want to- even though my contractions were INTENSE and close together (I had back labor with both grrls) I still wasn't dilated enough for them. (I believe I was still only 2-3 cm.) We insisted though- so (very reluctantly) they admitted me with the warning that WHEN I hadn't had the baby in the morning I would be sent home... hahahaha
I asked them if my midwife was close cuz I knew it would be quick when it happened- *of course* they said- *she is only 15 minutes from here!!! We'll call when you get closer*...
...so I was put in a labor room and left to my own devices- birthing ball!!-all-natural birth- the nurse would check on me periodically. Then I had to go to the bathroom- my water broke- and yep- I dilated from 2-3 all the way to 10 in TEN MINUTES!!!! [I do not recommend this- especially if you have back labor] LOL- ANYWAYS- nurse checked me at 11:35 pm and said I was fully dilated and said I could push!! None of that wait for the doctor or midwife business!! Mind you, I was still in a labor room NOT delivery. I pushed at 11:37 and her head engaged in my pelvis, and then at 11:39 I pushed again and she shot out onto the bed. The nurse, hubby and myself were present. Note the irony of the timing- before that day was even over!! The midwife arrived in time to deliver the placenta... :-/
They had us stay in the delivery room cuz everything else was full- but there was no place for hubby except the chair and he couldn't even stand upright at this point cuz of my pulling on him as I labored- so I sent him home to rest in our bed. About halfway there, as he drove through a tiny town at 1 am he leaned forward to change a cd and swerved slightly. A sheriff who was looking for drunk drivers promptly pulled him over. No biggie, right??!
Well, apparently, when he finished his community service YEARS before, the county had never transferred the paperwork that he turned in to the originating county of the misdemeanor drug offense. So now he had a FELONY ARREST warrant out and the sheriff had to take him into custody. The sheriff was pretty great about it- he let my hubby use his private cell to call me and let me know what was happening, and since hubby was obviously in severe pain he actually called an ambulance to transport him to the county jail. And they just towed our car instead of impounding it- which would have cost us a fortune (that we didn't have) to retrieve. So now I had literally just fallen asleep and was woken up to be told my hubby was going to jail- and at that point we had no idea why.
I didn't sleep for days after this. I spent the next 3 days in hospital, nursing my baby ( my milk came in within an hour probably cuz I had been nursing her sister through the first trimester until my boobs got too sensitive- she actually gained 4 oz before we left instead of the typical 10% loss!!) and calling all over trying to figure out what was going on!!!
They transferred him all over the state of CA- every time we made a plan for me to visit- they moved him- sometimes just an hour before I arrived. Finally, he ended up in *Thunderdome* a very scary jail right next to Mexico. 11 days after our baby was born- I was able to get them to release him- but it was close. They wanted him to serve the original sentence of 60 days. I brought letters of recommendation from several people of importance in the Park, and pressured his crappy court appointed lawyer to do his job and stand up and speak for him instead of letting him get railroaded.The judge had for some reason put a order in his file that if he was ever brought in again that he was to serve the maximum sentence- PERIOD. Hubby thinks this was cuz the judge had seen him several times for drug possession (it takes until the person is ready to change- the state can't make someone want to quit doing drugs- they have to come to that place on their own)
He lost 15 pounds that he didn't have to lose. We were lucky that work didn't fire him. He couldn't go to the bathroom the entire time due to the conditions. His back was in horrible shape- at one point he was in *receiving* at the LA County Jail for a day and a half- sitting on a hard bench. BTW- the system gets money each time they move a prisoner- so often they will just load guys up and move them around just to collect the money from the state.
Even better- he had to do his community service again- and the county still didn't send his paperwork through- but this time we were onto them and made them do their job.
This was a turning point in our marriage. I had to get through some really tough stuff- with a toddler and a newborn AND fight for my hubby. He was proud, grateful, amazed that I could and did do this. I was too!! He was/is my rock, and normally I would have needed him to lean on- so it was good for me to see I could be tough on my own. The complete bs we were put through by the system jaded me- I had always been a *good girl* and had no experience with cops or the court system. I naively believed that if you were arrested- you obviously had done something to deserve it- and if not- the courts would fix it. NOT!!!
Why were we never informed of the warrant- he had renewed his driver's liscense- no one said anything. His address was on file- no one contacted him so he could clear up the mistake...
To be arrested and taken away from your newborn for 11 days... ARGH. I drove hours, spent several nights in a hotel- spent a bunch of money we didn't have- all because someone hadn't BOTHERED to do their job properly. (TWICE!!!) *Just another drug addict* is I'm sure what they were thinking.Well guess what- drug addicts are people too!!!
IMO- hubby never had a chance- at the age of 11- on his birthday to be exact- he was offered cocaine!!! It was the early 70's, and the group of people his mom had around her wasn't the best. His father had been abusive- so she left him and struggled to keep herself and the children housed and fed. She did it- but not always up to most people's standards of acceptable conditions- he lived in a chicken coop, a treehouse, a commune etc. By 15 he had dropped out of school- we now know he is ADD- but back then they just called him naughty.
He has always worked- always paid child support (he had a daughter at 21) even when it meant he was homeless. He slept on his motorcycle for a while towards the end of his addiction. One of the reasons I fell in love with him was his work ethic- his sense of responsibility. He had the lowest self-esteem I think a person could have and still be walking around. He couldn't see how smart he is, what a good person- cuz society just told him what a piece of shit he was for being addicted (to an addictive substance!!!)- and he never made an adult decision to do drugs- what 11 year old understands that they are making a choice that will affect the rest of their life??!!!
It has taken me years of continuous compliments and reassurances- but he finally can see the person he is and has always been.
I think he is amazing- for realizing that he had a problem AND dealing with it- with the very minimal resources he had at his disposal. He is a great husband and father- especially considering he never knew his- and his step-father abused him.
So this is why I do not trust our court system, why I do not feel someone's ARREST RECORD is a good way to judge them.
The only thing he has ever gotten in trouble for was misdemeanor drug possessions- all well over a decade ago. According to our local school district though- this makes him a danger to the children and he isn't allowed to volunteer at school!!
Comments:
Bravo!
I am like that too. Once my water breaks, I have a baby within 3 hrs. On the last one the nurse didn't believe me and the doctor barely made it into the room...lol
Thank you mommas... hubby just stopped by and read part of the beginning... we had a little chat. I told him I don't think there is anything for him to ashamed about (he had asked me to not use his name and I reassured him he is *hubby* lol) he said he isn't, but that it could haunt him... I responded that it shouldn't, and only by people speaking up will things ever improve... but he doesn't wish to be the guinea pig.
So thanks for all of the positivity!!
He is really an awesome man!! I love him very much and he me... we are good for each other!! We have healed each others wounds... and grown into better people together.
So just so you know nurses make a habit of not listening to mothers when they say the baby is coming. They thought my mom was kidding when she said she was ready to push when she was delivering my little sister (it was her seventh child!) so she squated on the bed and delivered her alone while she sent my dad running to find a doctor. It's so amazing that your husband has stayed clean for 11 years, one of my parents has been addicted to pain killers for their entire adult lives and despite the rehab and saying that they want to get better they never have. Actually as I type this my parent is sitting somewhere in another rehab facility trying to convince anyone that this will be the time that they stay clean. It's so amazing that he kicked such an addictive drug, and it is so amazing that you are such a supportive wife to him. I'm sure that helps him out a lot.
i agree with pp. my step father was addicted to pain killers although not by his own choice. he was put on oxy contin for pain years ago when he got injured at work. when he asked his "pain managemnet" doctor what it was he told him it was like a percocet. well after watching 20/20 one night he found out that its synthetic heroin. he went to the doctor and told him he wanted to switch and the dr said he couldnt. then he tried to go to rehab and was actually told to od and come to the hospotal and hed be admitted! after being turned down by every rehab place thats what he had to do for help. its a very broken system
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First of all, I hope that I labor like you!! It sounds like you are really in tune with your body.
Second of all, you sound like a very supportive wife. You husband is very blessed to have you. It is a shame that the system treated you like this. Unfortunately it probably happens more than it should. In this case though it sounds like it made your relationship stronger in the end.
- logansmomma2007
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