Sometimes I wonder....

[Rockabye]

Okay so I have no idea who the father of my daughter is. Okay I have a few but none of them are people I want around her. One of them is a drug dealer who would be blowing hits in her face and giving her alcohol. Another is just plain crazy and I am pretty sure he killed a previous girlfriend for cheating on him. The third is a registered sex offender and is constantly yelling at and hitting his 6 yr old son. Also only the possible murderer has a job or can keep one.

I dont want child support from the father and I dont really want to know who it is and I wouldn't even allow them to see her anyway but still I don't know what I am going to tell her when she gets older and asks why she has no daddy.

Am I wrong for not finding out? Am I wrong for feeling so strongly that they won't change just because of a child? I am torn on this because if I do get the tests done to find out then the sperm donor can fight for custody or visitation and at least two of them will. I doubt they would get custody but I dont even want them around her for an hour. Is that wrong?

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it is just me and they would make great dads. I seriously doubt it but....

Also there are just some things that a girl needs her daddy for and a mom just cant do.

[Anouck]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 5:49 PM

Wow... Well, if it were me, I don't think I'd want to find out who the father is, because there's no WAY I'd want any of them around my child. Maybe a girl needs her daddy, but in my opinion, your baby would be much better off waiting to see if one day you'll find a GOOD man who will treat her like his own.

As for you, it sounds like if you do start dating again, you should probably be a bit more selective about the guys you hang out with. Not trying to bash you, just saying...

 

[MyChloeGirl]

Sep. 25, 2009 at 7:31 PM

I grew up without a father, or father figure, and I honestly think I have been okay with this. Yeah it can get depressing at times because I don't have a daddy, and yeah he wasn't there at my birthdays, graduation, wedding, etc. But the man who was suppose to be my adopted daddy, (I was adopted) was an abusive alcoholic that my adopted mom divorced, who ended up killing his current girlfriend and himself. With that in mind, would I honestly have wanted him around me growing up, much less around my child now? uh...no. Then you have my biological father, who was just as nutty as they come, and I also feel in that case it was better for me to not have a dad period since the ones available were not acceptable people.

I think that when she starts asking, tell her in a summarized view of how things happened, and when she gets old enough tell her the details. Then it's up to her for whether or not she wants to see or be around them. Also, if you hide it from her she probably will resent you for it later, even though you were probably doing it for her own good from the sound of it. Honesty would definitely be the best policy here.

And don't sweat about it...plenty of people grow up with just one parent and have functioned just fine in life. I'd rather have had no daddy than a harmful daddy.