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I survived child abuse ... and then became a parent!
- Sep 26, 2009 at 10:02 PM
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- Comments (6) Total Views (155) Everyone can see this journal post.
I am an adult survivor of child abuse ,Like many in my situation I swore I would never put my children through the same things I did... but I did, I am not saying every survivor will go on to abuse her own children in the same way nor that the abuse will be as severe . Many child hood survivors will devote their lives to breaking the cycle ,as in my case.My children never expereinced the severe emotional , physical or sexual abuse I did but did I allow my own emotional issues to influence my parenting . Hell yes, In some cases it was simply my lack of confidence and self assurance that probably did the most damage . You see I got caught in the trap of trying to be the perfect mom , I wanted to give my children everything I had never had . I wanted to give my children the safety , security and self confidence I had never known . The truth was though I had no clue how to achieve any of this haveing been raised with no model of it. And so my parenting style fluctuated with the with the flavor of the day or more accurately whatever new book or seminar was on the top 10 list. Sometimes I was lenient , sometimes strict , charts and new rules changed with the season . I'm not talking about tweaking a system here and there I mean a whole new system every few months . My lack of confidence and doubts drove me to proverbially throw out the baby with the bath water and if one system didn't achieve family peace and harmony ... well there was always a new system or book or parenting class coming down the road I could throw myself into . The point is that we are all walking around working out our issues on the people around us ... whether we choose to or not . And the people closest to us will bear the brunt of our unresolved issues .As mothers we many times get caught in the trap of putting everyone elses's needs before our own . However just as they teach in in flight emergency training as parents we must put the oxygen mask on first . We are unable to care for those we love if we don't care for ourselves first . So as parents I encourage you to give time to yourself seek counseling or join a group that will give support and help . And then give yourself a break no parent is perfect and we all do things eventually we are less than proud of . Even the best parents mess up . Children are amazingly resilient .There is no perfect parent just like there is no perfect child .Trust your own instincts , love with all your heart and take care of yourself . You are the most important person in someone's life and you deserve it .
Comments:
Aww thank you ...
First of all I just want to say that I admire you for your journal post. This was a true eye opener for me....
This part of your post stuck out for me the most: "We are unable to care for those we love if we don't care for ourselves first . So as parents I encourage you to give time to yourself seek counseling or join a group that will give support and help . And then give yourself a break no parent is perfect and we all do things eventually we are less than proud of . Even the best parents mess up . Children are amazingly resilient .There is no perfect parent just like there is no perfect child .Trust your own instincts , love with all your heart and take care of yourself . You are the most important person in someone's life and you deserve it . "
Such a very important statement which I have found myself running to fix everything else before taking care of myself....thank you for sharing this!!!
excellent post!
Excellent post, I related to soooooooo many things you wrote. I have been struggling with the healing process from my own childhood abuse. Everything you wrote resonated so clearly with me, thank you for posting this.
You are so welcome lovemy
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Bless you , Keep it going you have a lot to offer !
- angellady535
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