Journey back to ME.. day 8 *Fantastic day* in a way.

[Dannille33]

Alrighty!! Well after falling back to sleep this morning I realized I was beat last night and when I went back to bed.. Gesh..

So, it's Satuday and a lazy one at that. I must say this week as wiped out the lot of us. Of course the hubby had to go to work which though we fight he is missed when he has to go. :(

Today was a good day and goes to show you that you don't have to leave home to have a good day and feel like you have achieved something. We sat and watched movies most of the day. Thanks to the heavy clouds and the on and off rain that fall. We even popped some popcorn and just chilled. This is something that in the past few most was hard to do. I would find myself watching a few mins of the movie and then having to get up. I also seemed not to rock back in forth as much today or knocking my knees wasn't an issue. That was good as well.

Today I know I am going to get some crap for this but I didn't take the med. I plan to see the doctor this next week to see if I can just go back to taking them when I feel that it will be a trying day. I mean if you wake up not what I call broken then why fix yourself that day. I do realize though that you need your body to be able to get use to the med so when you do take it that it doesn't always fight it and leave you drained or feeling a bit strange. I also know that I want to enjoy the good days and if I don't need the med that day will to me that makes it even better.

I will keep you posted on what the doc says. If she says .. Dannille take it everyday!!!! Then darnt I will do that. If she says will if you find yourself not needing it some days then go with out then I shall. I know I am pushing the want to be better quick and I do realize that this is not a quick fix disorder. It took me years to build up to getting this way and it will take months and maybe years for me to become who I feel I was before all this. If medicine is part of the rest of my life. Then I will take it! I need to be a MOM and and Wife, along with a Daughter who needs to see her mother.

Ok so today was movies, popcorn, and that was just after lunch, I surprised the kid with grilled hamburgers. Yes I do grill in the rain, and even the snow. LOL Once I even grilled when we had a massive ice storm and went 3 days with our power. It was interesting, and the kids loved it. Just as tonight they enjoyed it anything on the grill is great around here. Then due to this darn cold that just came on last night I decided to lay down for awhile. It was ok with the kids though my oldest is back to reading which is great gosh knows she plans to go to college and she will need to love reading again. My 11 yr old chose to watch a movie in the living room by his self and my little man and I watched bearnstain bears as usual at 8pm and then Finding Nemo. It's no WallE he says but it will do tonight. LOL

So pretty slow, relaxing day. Did I have problems I would say a smidge when my husband left. I think it's a bit of seperation anxiety there. When he is at home I'm not like that usually.

Alright ... now in the past few posts I have saw a few comments ..some wanting to know if this is just a Journal that I post to post or if I am looking for help.

Actually this is a post to share with others that might be going through this and don't know it. I have had a few mom's tell me they are glad I am sharing this part of my life becuase it has allowed them to realize they to might have anxiety or panic starting. I also post it for future reference, and to show myself and others that suffer from this that good days are great and bad days arent great they are just plain BAD! Most bad days anyway. Also if you want to add advice please do so, not only do I write in my Journal on here every night but others do as well as the comments I am sure and perhaps they to might like to know what you have to offer. So do share.

Also .. I am sure perhaps there are some that think that this is lame. Will frankly life is lame to some and not to others.. My life is not lame to me and going through this isn't lame its trying and frankly it makes me mad. Writing on here and sharing with everyone helps me. No I don't just write it all out on here I do have a personal Journal that I write in as well and there I share much more than on here. This just shows progress and support to those that need it and support if I need it more so if I am having a bad day or something.

As I have said before I am thankful for everyone that reads this and comments. I take them all to heart and welcome them. Even if you don't comment and you get something from one of my Journal enties and you suffere from panic, anxiety, stress disorder. Well that is HUGE. I hope to help others while I help myself. So there you go and so far I have made some great friends, and I hope to support them and accept their support as well. As you know though sometimes the truth hurts, but it does make you think!

Well tihs is all for tonight, off to the rest of my hot tea and then bed ... Thanks again for everything. And know that you don't have to places or go through huge hurdles in life.. to have a Fantastic day. You just have to have great kids, and understanding family *such as my mom though she is going through so much* and ... understanding and supportive friends. Cause even with this it's hard to just Relax so when you can with out panic or anxiety rooting it's ugly head then its FANTASTIC.. Happy Sunday all ..Hope your weekends are going great!!

Much love..and heres a recent pic of all my kids.. This is who I strive to make happy.. When I have good/great days!

Dannille

[Lb128f]

Sep. 26, 2009 at 11:49 PM

Good post! Thanks for the update! Great pic of the kiddos, very cute! Love the background sign on the wall! :-) I think you are doing a fantastic job and I'm so glad you were able to have a nice day at home with your children....very good!! I do think that your journals help you and help others. So, keep writing!! Hope you all have a GREAT Sunday!!

Saying a prayer for your MOM!

 

[maidn]

Sep. 27, 2009 at 2:36 AM

What beautiful children ... Never mind what others think hon... you write what you want to write .. your courage in telling your story does help others they aren't alone ... and even if it didn't it's your journal .. journaling is very theraputic in and of itself .. in a few weeks you will be able to look back and see how far you have come !! Keep up the good work !