In my last journal, or close to it, I talked about my high school sweetheart who has finally asked me to marry him. Here is an update:

Since then, he quit his job (due to unfair circumstances at the workplace) and ultimately had to make a decision: does he move here with me NOW and borrow money to get started OR does he tough it out and wait for a new job so he can begin saving and then move out here "when the time is right"

He chose to move to Wisconsin where he has family. His uncle in particular gave him a place to stay and hooked him up with a job...now he's all excited about it, working 7 days a week. That's great, I'm happy for him. However, he started to talk about saving for a car as well as an apartment b/c he's gotta "get on his own 2 feet"---while I understand that, there hasn't been any mention of when he's going to want US to start OUR life together.

And, to add insult to injury, despite his busy work schedule in which I justify his lapse in calls/texts, he did manage to get on Facebook to let the world know what a great time he had Saturday night at a salsa club. Nice. This is after the 9 minute phone call I got last week about how great everything was going there and even giggling about the women at the factory calling him "fresh meat" and "going crazy" over him.

We've had a LD relationship for over 10 years now where it's been on and off (only off when he moved away but technically still ON -- does that even make sense?) And, while I admit, it's not like I have men beating my door down, I certainly have made it a point to NOT LOOK and NOT BE AVAILABLE for any potential suitors.

Now I feel like maybe he had a change of heart? Maybe he doesn't want to marry me after all and I should just move on. I'm not getting any younger. I want more kids. At least one. And at this rate, who the hell knows when he's going to be ready. That's always been the issue: waiting for him to be ready. The funny thing is, a month ago, we got into an argument about it....text wise....and he wrote that he wished I would trust him more b/c after over 10 years, how could he possible just change his feelings for me overnight? While it lifted my spirits, I am back into the same spot now I was then. I can't help but wonder what the hell is going through his head!


What do YOU think? Be honest please!

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Comments:

NannyB.
Sep. 28, 2009 at 6:03 PM

I think it sounds like he is putting you off and back pedaling.  Ten years is long enough to give a man to make up his mind about marriage.  I would probably just tell him I'm tired of waiting and am moving on with my life. 

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devan...
Sep. 28, 2009 at 6:04 PM

I think you need to have a conversation in person about what each of you wants. If he's putting you off because he really doesn't want to get married, but doesn't want to hurt you, that's really unfair. If he's never going to be ready, at least he should release you to pursue a different life partner.

~De

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MSuga...
Sep. 28, 2009 at 6:10 PM

I think ask him straight out for the answer your seeking.  Don't be afraid to ask, the worse is he says no.  Right?  But then you know where to head your life.

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twins...
Sep. 28, 2009 at 6:10 PM

I think that he made his decision when he chose to go to Wisconsin instead of moving to where you were.

Just my gut feeling after reading your journal.

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Super...
Sep. 28, 2009 at 6:24 PM

Good points. All of them! I can't talk to him in person though, don't have the money to fly out there. I'm in Savannah, GA and he's in Wisconsin.

I think I might write him a letter and send it to him! Or maybe I should email him? My neighbor (aka my best friend!) said the same thing, she feels I should not put my life on hold for something that might not happen.

I guess I just didn't want to accept it. I've waited for it to happen for so long and it was HIS idea to bring up marriage not mine, this was in July. And then a month later was when he told me he was not moving here yet and going to wait for a job, I tried to be supportive and told him that my feelings hadn't changed, even though I was disappointed he didn't come here. He texted me back and said I shouldn't be so extreme, we don't know what tomorrow brings. Then I said I didn't realize that his decision to stay there instead of moving here with me meant he didn't wanna be with me at all....and of course, he flipped it on me saying that was NOT what he meant and went into the whole "we've had a LD relationship for over 10 years, think about it, why would I change my feelings for you now? I wish you would trust me more, that's all I ask of you. I've loved you since 9th grade, never wanted you to change, I've always wanted you exactly the way you are, please just trust me"

That was August. About 2 weeks after that, he got the opportunity in Wisconsin, so he flew out there. And in the past 2.5 weeks since he's been there, we really haven't talked. IN fact, only that 9 minute conversation last week. I sent him an email got no response and have sent a few texts here and there that go un-responded to.

I guess I should wake up and smell the reality. But what if I'm wrong?! That's the scary part! I feel like I'm so close, he was originally supposed to be here in April 2010. What if he still plans on coming next year at some point? I know, JUST ASK.

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