In my last journal, or close to it, I talked about my high school sweetheart who has finally asked me to marry him. Here is an update:
Since then, he quit his job (due to unfair circumstances at the workplace) and ultimately had to make a decision: does he move here with me NOW and borrow money to get started OR does he tough it out and wait for a new job so he can begin saving and then move out here "when the time is right"
He chose to move to Wisconsin where he has family. His uncle in particular gave him a place to stay and hooked him up with a job...now he's all excited about it, working 7 days a week. That's great, I'm happy for him. However, he started to talk about saving for a car as well as an apartment b/c he's gotta "get on his own 2 feet"---while I understand that, there hasn't been any mention of when he's going to want US to start OUR life together.
And, to add insult to injury, despite his busy work schedule in which I justify his lapse in calls/texts, he did manage to get on Facebook to let the world know what a great time he had Saturday night at a salsa club. Nice. This is after the 9 minute phone call I got last week about how great everything was going there and even giggling about the women at the factory calling him "fresh meat" and "going crazy" over him.
We've had a LD relationship for over 10 years now where it's been on and off (only off when he moved away but technically still ON -- does that even make sense?) And, while I admit, it's not like I have men beating my door down, I certainly have made it a point to NOT LOOK and NOT BE AVAILABLE for any potential suitors.
Now I feel like maybe he had a change of heart? Maybe he doesn't want to marry me after all and I should just move on. I'm not getting any younger. I want more kids. At least one. And at this rate, who the hell knows when he's going to be ready. That's always been the issue: waiting for him to be ready. The funny thing is, a month ago, we got into an argument about it....text wise....and he wrote that he wished I would trust him more b/c after over 10 years, how could he possible just change his feelings for me overnight? While it lifted my spirits, I am back into the same spot now I was then. I can't help but wonder what the hell is going through his head!
What do YOU think? Be honest please!
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