love and consequences...

[sistersage]

It's hard to sit here and be happy after the things that have transpired this weekend.  My husbands shattered mind, his arrest and the turmoil that these things have our family in.  I was afraid for my life and the safety of my children though the entire time I don't think I actually thought that he wanted to harm any of us.  His threats to end our lives were a last ditch attempt at keeping our family together when it was so obviously falling apart.  I blame myself for his mental state though I can not fathom what I could have done differently to avoid this whole mess.  I am not angry with my husband, on the contrary, I love him very much and it's breaking my heart that our marriage is turning out this way.  If anything, I am angry with his family and the venom that they have spread, the brain washing and trouble that they've caused.  HIs family are like viscious little ants that infect the mind of the weak and eat away at the integrity.  No matter how hard you try to rid yourself of the infestation, it breeds and grows until you have no choice but to burn it out with a gas fire.  My children are the ones who have suffered the most in this.  They are witnesses to the garbage that their fathers family fed him, and to the fight that errupted because of it.  They were there to watch their father break and lose all control of his faculties.  They have lost a loving parent, and I lost my partner and best friend.  When I first moved out, we were talking and finding ways to solve our problems.  We were getting back to what it was like when we first met and fell in love but it was during this separation that his family began to spread the disease that they created within his mind.  Feeding him lies and making him believe that I was the enemy.  These people took a man who was sick in the mind and instead of getting him the help that he needed, they used his problem to control him and in an effect, made the illness worse.  They told him that I would never allow him to see his children and so he thought it must be true.  They told him that he should take control of his wife and beat me if I did not obey and now he is in jail.  I tried to help him but I can do nothing unless I get him away from his family though they wrap their coils around him like the serpants of hell that they are. The man that I saw sitting in court today, glaring at me as though I were some hedious insect that needed squashed, was not the man I married.  He was something else, wareing the flesh that once covered my husband, now haggared, broken and despondant.  The love he once had in his eyes was replaced by a rage that I had never witnessed before and I remembered the other night as he held me tight against the van, his fingers digging into my flesh, his hand wrapped tight around my throat screaming, "I'll kill you! I'll kill you you bitch!"  In the four years of our marrigae he had never spoken to me in such a way and I truely don't know what happened that brought us to the place we are today.  I had to turn my back on a man that I still love and walk out of a court room with an order that would keep him away from me and his children, and not look back.  My heart is breaking because I know that he loves his children and a part of him loved me once.  That part of him, I fear, is lost forever in his maddness...

[nEwMoMmY041408]

Sep. 30, 2009 at 8:32 AM

Stay strong, honey!!