Faking It

[toniar]

No man thinks it's ever happened to him, and yet nearly every woman has done it at one time or another. I call it the mercy fake. You know what I'm talking about — there are those times during sex when either he's trying so hard you just can't bear to tell him an orgasm isn't happening or you are so completely exhausted that you fake it as a strategy to get to sleep.

But while the motivation is understandable, faking an orgasm is ultimately not a good thing — for you or your relationship. Good sex is about good communication, both verbal and nonverbal. The occasional fake is one thing, but regularly faking can quickly become a tricky situation. How do you get off the mercy-fake merry-go-round, and start having the real thing?

It is possible to bring it up without hurting his feelings. Present the situation to your partner as being about you and how your needs have changed — women's bodies are constantly evolving, so this is a good conversation to have anyway. Tell him you've been noticing it takes you longer to get aroused, or that you want to explore some new techniques and positions. He will likely bite if you pose it as an opportunity to spice things up between the two of you.

Most importantly, reassure him that you are still wildly attracted to him. Start practicing some real communication by telling him you love it when he touches you here, or making all the right noises when he's hit a good spot. If you've never had an orgasm during sex, you may want to practice on yourself first and teach him later.

Whatever you do, don't just tell him you've been faking it this whole time. There's no sense in making him feel insecure about the past — it's the future that matters.

By Dr. Laura Berman ~ The Passion Files

[auntj]

Sep. 29, 2009 at 12:14 PM

Great post!