Depressed and in need of reassuerence...please help

[sistersage]

I have come to the conclusion that my husband's family is as deranged as he is.  I am torn between believeing that I did the right thing and then considering that I made a huge mistake in all of this.  I went to his sister today and asked that they please allow me to get the remaining things of mine from my husbands house as his sister has the key. I said that I had a few things that belonged to my late father, some books of mine, my porcelain doll collection and of course the kids medical records and birth certificates.  Also the children's winter clothes and coats are in storge in the attic.  She would not allow me to take the key and let myself in or open the house and  then leave and let me lock up.  She said that she would make arrangements to be there while I took my things out.  Legally I am still married to my husband and my name is still on the house.  If my husband died, the house would belong to me so I really don't see where she has the right to keep me from my belongings.  As it is she doesn't have the time to let me in now, I said that I would have a police offeicer get the key and let me in and she said that was fine.  I don't think that they have any intention of letting me remove my property.  She (my husbands sister) told me that she didn't understand why I had to do all this, which would be having my husband arrested, she implied that it was just a custody dispute and that I was refusing to let him see the kids and called the police cause he wouldn't leave.  I told her that I called the police because he was choking me, trying to throw me down into the yard, yelling and screaming at me, threatening to kill me and the kids and himself and then he was pounding on and kicking the door when I locked him out! That was why I called the police.  His sister said that I was just trying to be difficult, that it was stupid to demand that he put coats and shoes on the kids.  Well it was raining, there could have been glass, nails or sharp stones that my daughter could have stepped on and it was about 70 degrees outside, but I was the one being irrational in all of this.  (Yeah sure)..  Apparently, (according to my husbands sister) all this could have been avoided if I had been a better wife and mother.  She said that it was stupid of me to move out in the first place, she and my husband come from a generation where the men work and the women stay home and raise the kids and clean the house.  She said that I should be lucky that Kenny even mows the lawn! I told her that it wasn't right because he does not work, won't look for a job, won't try to get dissability, I work and go to school and he should at least clean the house and take care of the kids.  She told me that every woman complains that they do everything, thats the way life is and that you just have to deal with it.  Then she told me that the house was never clean to begin with. She said that no one cleaned the house, it was always a mess.  I told her that when I was gone for 12 hours a day and Kenny was there alone that it wasn't my fault, but that I cleaned it when I got home and the next morning it would be trashed again.  My house that I own now is not filthy like that, its clean and I teach the kids to pick up after themselves.  The dishes are washed, clothes are folded and put away, but none of that matters.  The end result is that I caused all of this and didn't take care of Kenny the way I should have, and ontop of that she said that I uprooted Autumn who has autisim, changed her living arrangement and upset her in the process and it would have been in her best interest to have stayed in her home with her father.  Even though he won't clean, won't bathe the kids, leaves them in bed all day, won't feed them and the house is crawling with bugs and maggots and mold.  Children's services would have removed those kids in a heart beat yet I am a horrible person because I choose to get them out of there and in a clean safe environment.  Readers: in your opinon, should I have stayed, cleaned the house, worked, cared for the kids and taken for granted that my husbands job was to sit on the computer, watch porn and eat while I managed everything else around him? Do I do wrong in leaving him? HIs sister says that he can't work, he can't take care of himself, he can't go to school because he is bad in math and he can't go on dissability because its another form of failure on his part and that I should just support him and care for him as though he were one of my children because mentally he can't function enough to care for himself. Was I wrong in abandoning him the way that I did?

[purpleducky]

Sep. 29, 2009 at 12:43 PM

HUGS!! You did the right thing by leaving. You deserve better.

[older]

Sep. 29, 2009 at 12:50 PM Was he mentally ill when you married him? What is wrong with him and how did he get this way? Either way, you must look out for your kids first and foremost so taking them out of this environment was the best you could do. There is no reason why you would not be allowed to go inside your house, it is still your house, I would make other plans or another way to get in there and get what is rightfully yours, including the house, since you have small children. If this enevitably going to end up in divorce, I would get myself a lawyer to help me through everything, or you will be taking advantage of.

[Aniyunwiya]

Sep. 30, 2009 at 3:50 AM

ABLE and willingly are two VERY different things and you don't have to justify ANYTHING about your marriage or your family to your SIL, SHE was not there, she doesn't know, tell her to butt out of your business, I would call the police, as it is illegal for him to hold your belongings (married or not).

[Lb128f]

Sep. 30, 2009 at 4:31 AM

You did the right thing. Thank goodness you did...for you and for your children.

[sistersage]

Sep. 30, 2009 at 7:19 AM

Thanks ladies, I feel better about the situation now and I am going to call my victims advocate and see what I can do about getting my things out of the house.  I agree that they can't keep my things legally.  I feel as though they are trying to punish me by withholding my personal affects.

(Original Poster)

[Midnite00]

Sep. 30, 2009 at 1:15 PM

And if needed call the police to get your SIL to let you get the stuff out of the house, she had time to lecture you she has time to give a key to a cop plus if you are still on the lease you have teh right to the house and keys...... I think I change teh losk if I got the house back