This isn't helping me cope

[Kenre]

 I thought that if I found the news story about my sister's death it would help. I saw her dead, but for some reason my mind is still in denial about it all. I keep thinking it never happened. That I imagined it all and she's going to call me any minute now... Why can't I just accept it?

The news story:

http://www.ktnv.com/global/story.asp?s=11129601

and the obituary:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/lvrj/obituary.aspx?n=kier-kjergaard&pid=133076894

But yet I can't get it. I have her funeral pamphlets... I took care of her kids... and yet I'm just getting angry instead of accepting. I am angry at my family for crying. I am angry at my sister (adopted) for suggesting turning her myspace into a RIP Page. I am angry at my husband, because he won't let me stay in denial...

... I am angry at my sister for not calling me. Her last words were, "Talk to you later." Well, it's now been later and she hasn't called me!

I am dwelling on a woman here on CM who called me a Troll and a liar. That my sister isn't dead. That I wanted attention... and yet, I think I'm dwelling on it because I want it to be true. I want to be a Troll and pretend I'm doing this for attention...

...Why hasn't she called me?! I need to hear her voice... I don't think I'm coping well on any of this. I really don't think I'm accepting this like I know I need to be... and I'm all alone trying to.

[AngryBob]

Oct. 1, 2009 at 8:15 PM

if you're a troll, you're a cute one

[AngryBob]

Oct. 2, 2009 at 12:04 AM

Oct. 1, 2009 at 7:15 PM

if you're a troll, you're a cute one

 

I have a jewel in my belly and everything... right? Do I get wishes if I rub it?

(Original Poster)

[MommaLucy]

Oct. 2, 2009 at 4:10 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss hon...and I am sorry someone called you a troll!

It takes time to grieve...it will get a little easier each day.