its when i realize..

[kimandshane]

I'm writing this journal,because every once in a while i get i reality check,and it makes me sad,and ITS WHEN I REALIZE,my Shane is not a typical 7 year old..Shane has made so much progress though the last few years,i forget sometimes,that hes not typical ! his communication skills have sored high,and he can talk so much more clearer,at one time-really not to long ago,i had such a hard time understanding him,when he was trying to pronounce a word,and at one time he was completely non verbal,at that time children his age were talking without difficulty,well this is when it happens,when Shane is side by side with another child his age,that's a typical 7 year old...i don't have family,that has children Shane's age,and the friends i did make in this town,have special needs children..so when were in a situation,like school or the market,or some sort of town event,and we meet up with a parent that we know from Shane's 1st grade class and they are with their typical 7 year old,this is when i realize-and it starts out with a question to the child,how do you like school so far ? then- what are you going to be for Halloween ? are you excited ? as i stand there having a conversation with this child,i begin to see the difference in my Shane and this child,and reality sets in...i walk away a little sad,holding tight my Shane's hand,i look down at him,and tell him i love him,and he says..i good boy,and i say..yes you are..my worries and fears come rushing in my head,but most of all my heart breaks for him..he is so innocent,,i love him so much,there's lots of other children that don't have Shane's disabilities,that ride the special bus,every morning i bucket him in to the seat,which btw are the rules,and he looks at me,and says ma me give you hug,and he will grab me and hug me tight,even plant a big ole kiss on my cheek,really without even thinking of the other children watching,and even some of the boys,thinking its silly...this is his innocence,that i love him so much for,and breaks my heart at the same time...then i push my fears for his future out of my mind,and say to myself,as long as my sha sha keeps making progress even if its slow,and growing in socializing,academic skills,and communication,i will set my fears aside,and just say a prayer that one day he will be a independent young man...and i will do everything in my power to see that he reaches his full potential..what ever that may be................

[MOMMYTO5CUTIES]

Oct. 1, 2009 at 1:26 PM

I have a moment like that every once in awhile as well ,I think we all do ,no matter how much you know you should not compare you just cant help it ,hugs.

[mcqueenmom]

Oct. 1, 2009 at 3:47 PM

Ah you made me cry. Shane is so lucky to have a mom like you!! Your such a great mom and wonderfull person. Big hugs to you!!!!!!