guard your heart

[chu-chu]

                            i grew up with a father who had little to do with my life,divorcing my mom when i was only 5.he abused my mom and cheated on her countless times,he was a drug abuser,and a acholic.he was one of those people that was good at hiding it;still is to this day.he went years only seeing us a couple times a year when it was convenient for him.till finally my brother and i told him we were sick of it all!.He'd never been to a soccer game,a karate match,never taught us how to drive,not a school play,not even school.Well,that 15th b-day was the last time i saw him for 10 years.Till my uncle wrote,and i longed to be apart of the family i was more like.so with much hesitation i wrote him back ,not wanting anything to do with my dad.However,that led to him contacting me claiming he wanted to be apart of my life.i thought" where were you when i needed you,and now that I'm grown with a family of my own you want to be apart of my life."it took awhile ,i had alot of stuff to get off my chest,most of which he just argued with.we finally met(about 5 years ago now),and  i cant say i regret it ,even though i didn't gain anything from it.i can say i don't have to spend the rest of my wondering.we continue to talk once in awhile,and though it  be nice if it could be different;to have a dad that trully wanted to get to know me and be apart of my life.That is not the case ,and i know what the relationship  is, so i dont have to keep thinking that it could be something else.i know im not the only person  whos  grown up this way,so my only advice is to guard your heart.Just enough to keep it safe,but not so much that you dont experience all the wonderful things in life!