A 3-Year-Old Tells All From His Mother's Restroom Stall (Too Funny!)

[babyjakesmama]

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's rest-room stall
 
      By Shannon Popkin

      My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the
library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment
on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have
to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been
several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would
have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this
more than last week at Costco.
      Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade
with me into the rest-room. If you'd been one of the ladies in the
rest-room that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to
the last stall:
      ''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet
paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the
potty?''
      At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been
in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we
could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this
stall and reveal my identity.
      Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh,
dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In
dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get
some candy!''
      I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side
of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This
was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before
exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's
purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''
      ''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''
      He started to gag at this point.
      ''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up.. Mommy, doze stinkies
are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''
      As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to
reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four
flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this
embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
      ''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done
going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''
      He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown
laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you
wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you
wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''
      More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess
the situation.
      ''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash
your hands? I want to go out!!''
      I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly
opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
      My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought,
where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit
of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin
while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought,
I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
 
 
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives
with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses
public restrooms) ---------------

[-KaylaLee-]

Oct. 3, 2009 at 1:38 PM

lol, I'd read this one before, but definately worth sharing! Can you imagine?? lol

[momofsixangels]

Oct. 7, 2009 at 3:01 PM

Very funny!