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A Sad Ending to An Adoption Story
- Oct 3, 2009 at 5:21 PM
- By
- Comments (2) Total Views (226) Everyone can see this journal post.
I spent many years working in the foster care and adoption field
before becoming a mom and deciding to stay home with my own children.
Unfortunately, this is one example of a very sad situtation that can happen with children who have a history or neglect and abuse. Oftentimes, parents expect
to bond as a typical child has the abililty to bond and finds that due to their history,
regardless of how young they are, that they are much slower to bond.
This can truely be tough on the parent with the expectations, and the
flip side is that it can be incredibly detrimental to the child and
makes it even more difficult for them to bond in the future. I'm
very saddened to hear this family and child's story and hope that
adoption agencies can work to educate parents long before adoption
are finalized on attachment issues.
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Our youngest son came home to us at age 3 1/2. We did EVERYTHING we could, spent THOUSANDS of dollars, and even, sadly, probably neglected the other three children to try to help him. When he was 12 we had to give him up to get him into a group home for his and our safety. Today, age 18, he is in a mental institution. It destroyed us to do so, but it was best for him. He is bipolar, reactive attachment disorder, and who knows what else. A lot of people, including family, judged us negatively. It took a lot of prayer, family and individual counseling, and tears to try to patch our family up. It took about 2 years before the "professionals" agreed with us about his status. We are still in contact with him, but it is devastating on both sides.
Children are not like cars, to take on a "trial" basis and then to return if it doesn't work out. However, I am sure this poor mom did a lot of soul searching and spent a lot of sleepless nights and tears, trying to make a decision that was best for this child. Without knowing the whole story, none of us can really judge her. Do I agree with her choice? I do not know. But I know she should not be villified.
- robin1953
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