My dad died...

[quirkyk]

and it has changed my life so much more than I ever realized it would.  Not only do I miss him horribly, but now I am left with much more responsibility helping my mom and making sure she's taken care of. I love getting to spend so much more time with her, andt his wouldn't be an issue except that my husband is being a jerk about it.  She comes over once a week, and he says it's a huge "adjustment" for him.  WTF?  One night a week that you can't sit around in your underwear and cuss is changing your life so much?  You want me to see it from "your perspective", but what about MY perspective?  I just lost my dad and I'm only 31 years old!  I'm in charge of making sure that my mom is ok.  Plus, I have to make sure I'm a good wife, good mom, good friend, and good at my job too????  I can't breathe from all the responsibility I'm under.....

I need someone to take care of me for a change.  Why can't my DH just see that and be sensitive to what's going on?  In the words of Julia Roberts- "I don't have time for the breakdown I deserve". 

I just want to run away.  I'm afraid I'm going to break soon. 

[older]

Oct. 4, 2009 at 8:19 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your dad,  did the same thing 24 years ago with my mom, my husband accepted her into our home without question, and loves her  like his own.  It is too bad your hubby is being difficult, but you will be fine, it is overwhelming but you can do this and much more.  Keep your dad alive in your heart forever and tell your children also to keep him alive in their memory too, hubby will adjust.

[MSugarKane]

Oct. 4, 2009 at 8:27 AM

I am sorry to hear about your dad.  In our circle of friends, including my DH I was the first one to lose a parent. No one understood the grief I went through.  I thought it was just me because it seemed to me no one understood.  That was back in 1994.  Since many of my friends have lost a parent or two. My husband lost both of his parents nine months apart.   Funny how THEN they realized how one feels when ONE loses a parent.  But up until it happened to them personally I had to learn to grieve on my own.  It took me longer to get over my grief without the support of a friend or my DH.   But I did manage to do so.

Losing a parent, the first six months is just remembering everything about them, your childhood, etc.   You dont really deal with the grief until well past the six months is up.  So know deep down in your heart your OK and will be OK no matter how others treat you right now, including your DH.    One day it will happen to him and then he will get it.