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We live in SC with my family. I hate SC but my family is here and my step father has cancer and we don't know what to expect...5 months or 5 years. He is ill right now and I do a lot for my mother and grandmother but my husband works...well basically lives in another state. We see him 1 week a month. He cannot come back to SC for another 6-12 months and then he can work from home but in the mean time he needs to be there but what if my step-father dies while we are gone. My oldest daughter is VERY, VERY close to him. I don't know.. I just don't know. I miss my husband and I am tired, I have a 3 month old who my husband barely knows..but I am so torn.

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Oct. 4, 2009 at 9:15 PM

You could go and be with your DH...but, the time he has left in another state is less than deployment time for those in the military. If I were you I would probably go anyway...he's your Hubby and you and the children should be with him if you can (if it won't be a hardship financially, emotionally on you, etc). Regarding your SD you can't wait for someone to pass on (I mean you could -- but, there's no guarantee that anyone has any more days left than anyone else)...any of us could be gone in an instant. You know? And, it's been my experience with Cancer patients that you usually have some indication of when the person's health is failing. So, you'd probably be able to get back if need be. The situation with your oldest DD...she could still write, call and visit when she can...but, her place is with you (the family) even if that takes her away from her Granddad. I hope you'll work things out...it stinks that your DH is away.

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Oct. 10, 2009 at 9:18 PM

I disagree... I valued the time I had with my father and I didn't move until after he had passed, and then even 4 months later because my mom needed me. The family needing that healing together. I appreciate my husband allowing me that precious year with my father. He was doing just fine and then within two months he deteriorated. I will always remember those moments, memories and times that we shared together in that year.

You will survive! You are a strong woman. Your family will survive. Because you are a STRONG WOMAN! Your son will cherish the love that you should by staying with the family through all this. He is young enough that he will bounce back just fine.

I have spent 3 - 18 months away from my husband when it was necessary and we didn't grow apart. If anything we grew closer!

Of course, this is all just my experience. I know in my heart that no matter the decision, it will be the right one. I just felt that since I have been through what you are going through you would appreciate my candor and honesty.

Love Much, Katherine

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Oct. 14, 2009 at 9:46 PM

My quick easy answer is go be with your husband. Your family is together there and can help each other but you and your husband need to be together especially with a 3mo old baby. You have a lot on your plate yourself and you need to be focussed on you now too. I suggest moving and making it a point to visit SC. It is a difficult decision to have to make and it is easy for those of us on the outside looking in to say "just do this". I'm also a SC escapee too though.

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