Need advice about Aspergers

[tomatoqueen]

Here is the situation. I chaperone the high school band at football games and marching contests. This year, I have a student with Aspergers on my bus. Last Thursday, he threw his hat box at another another student when he could not have a seat by himself. The truth is NO student can have a seat by themselves because there is no room for that. We as chaperones are also sharing seats. I was not the chaperone closest to him when he did this and they did not address the situation. Another chaperone later told him that was not okay.

Yesterday, we had a marching contest. All of the kids were on the bus but the members of the loading crew. It was clear that students had to double up to make room for the loading crew. Another chaperone was in the back of the bus making kids double up and I was in the front. I told him nicely that he was going to have to put his hat box and bag under the seat so that someone could sit with him. He became very hateful and complained that he could not put his stuff under his seat. I said that it was possible and that everyone else was having to do this so he needed to put his hatbox and bag under the seat. He still protested. I told him I had asked him nicely twice and he was going to do as instructed. He begrudgingly complied. As irony would have it, my son was the first member of the loading crew to get on the bus and sat by him. The kid was not happy and started complaining in my son's ear about me. I looked at him and said,  "don't you know I am his mom." That seemed to break the ice and he apologized over and over. I told him it was okay, I accepted his apology and we would start all over with a clean slate. We had pleasant talks after than and my son kept him entertained. At this point, I did not know of his condition. The kid responded that my son was lucky because he was being taught how to be strong and I should be proud of that. he went on to say that his parents did not teach him how to be strong.

My question is how do I treat him and what expectations do I set for him on the bus? We have several more games (all requiring bus trips because our stadium is under repair) and several more contests. I have asked my son to sit with him because he seems to be a calming influence on the kid.

My gut reaction is that I treat him just like I do all of the other kids and speak in an even tone with clear directions. Oh, he tried to start a fight with a kid after we got back to school. I don't think he would have done that if I had been close by....

Any suggestions or insight will be appreciated.

[pinkgemini85]

Oct. 5, 2009 at 12:04 PM

Well, Im not sure how much you know about aspergers because many people don't know much about it, I only do because I worked with a couple people that had it and started doing a little research about it. People with aspergers are just like everyone else except they are "socially disfunctional", often they can not express emotions and have a very difficult time reading social cues. One example is that a person with aspergers may not understand that during a conversation person 1 will make a statement and then person 2 responds by making a statement or asking a question regarding the subject person 1 is talking about.  They may just talk and talk nonstop at a person about what ever is on their mind rather then the subject person 1 was talking about.  People with aspergers are often considered very wierd, strange, or the oddball. Oh yeah, and they usually are VERY intelligent in one or two specific subjects, almost genius like.

        Because people with aspergers tend to be "wierd" and not often liked by their peers they have a very high rate of suicide because they WANT to socialize, they just dont know how they way that others expect them to. The problem is that if he is being agressive he may not actually know that he is being agressive, and honestly I dont know what to tell you about how you should handle that. My suggestion to you is just to keep these things in the back of your mind and have patience with him, dont take things personal because they probably are not ment to be personal attacks. Maybe ask him why he is mad because chances are that he didnt know he was mad. It was a great choice to have your son sit with him though!

 

I hope that all made sense!