Life just continues to kick me when I'm down

[ColleenF30]

I sit here and wonder how much more I can take.  I know it cannot be much.  I am ready to lose it.  Losing Evan was hard enough, but I don't need anything more to add on top of it.  I really don't.  I just want to scream. 

Ok granted I had to consent to a c-section to deliver this one.  I understand that, and I understand why.  I so badly wanted a VBAC, but I know when it is time to stop.  The section went amazingly easy which is surprising for me.  My pain hasn't been bad afterward either, and normally I spend 2 days barely able to walk.  It went so easily.  I should have known.  I really should have known.

I went in today to have the staples removed.  There was an infection under the skin, but nothing we could see on the wound.  Soooo the doctor proceeded to remove the staples.  Oh yeah there was a great idea.  Infection of course.  It has been cultured, and my husband is out now picking up my prescriptions.   Hopefully they can kill it.  Please God let them be able to kill it.

Now to the bigger problem.  We are not sure if it is going to hold together or not.  So my incision could split open.  It could split.....now what do I do?  Now I have no baby to hold, and an infection that could cause me major problems.  What did I do wrong?  I had to have screwed up somewhere.  This really cannot be my life.

[sati769leigh]

Oct. 5, 2009 at 4:53 PM

OMG honey i am so sory so veyr sorry. my heart breaks for you

[ColleenF30]

Oct. 5, 2009 at 5:07 PM

I'm sorry to be on here complaining, but I am afraid I will lose it if I don't vent somewhere!  I feel like a royal whiner right now.

(Original Poster)

[livewell]

Oct. 7, 2009 at 12:53 PM

I am going to send you a PM but wanted to tell you that some healing energy is on the way. You are strong.

[Bellarose0212]

Oct. 14, 2009 at 11:27 PM

On top of your woes, you definitely don't need to feel guilty for being a "whiner." Give yourself permission to grieve and do so. Please don't feel bad for posting this here, I know you probably have to keep up spirits for your children so IMO, this is the perfect place. Life has handed you very tough tragedies and obstacles, and it is okay to recognize that.