I've always known my mother has hated me from day one..it's easy to tell when a woman breaks a 2 1/2 yr olds leg and nobody knows how or why or even wants to admit it. That's just the beginning of it all...but unitl I was 22, I never knew exactly Why. I went to visit my aunt one day, my mother's sister, and out of the blue she says " You do know  ** isn't your real father, right?" Up until then I didn't, but I pretended that I did and never thought about it again until a few months later. When I said something to *Dad* about it, he never answered me--didn't deny or confirm. So Flash Forward to 3 1/2 yrs ago...I'm in MO visiting other relatives and they start talking about it like I've known all my life and it was no big deal. When my mother was confronted with it, she says the women are all lying bitches and that it's not true. I knew better. At *Dad's* mothers funeral, the rest of my family found out. Meaning my sisters and my brother. I got an email from the older of my sisters, she's younger then me, I'm the oldest, saying she was so sorry. I had no idea what for...until she told me that they heard my  uncles talking about it. Since my oldest DD was there and knew, she confirmed it for my sisters. What happened when they confronted their mother? Same thing.. only this time everybody was lying and she was the only one telling the truth. Then I found out from another aunt that she knew who the guy was because it happened in her house!...lol. She just couldn't remember his name. It was over 35 yrs ago, ya know. Anyway..Today, from that aunt's sister, my other aunt...I found out his first name. Kenny. That's all she remembers but I am sitting here damn near in tears because I Finally know at least the first name of my real father. Hey, it's a start, isn't it?? The one thing I've always wondered is.. Does he even know I exist??  How do we get her to admit it? I really don't need her too. She's really not that important in all this and she did that to herself. She has to live with everything she's done to me. I'm over it. I would just like to know who the man is, if even just for medical purposes. KWIM?

Anyway...that's all for now I guess...  

Add A Comment


Oct. 6, 2009 at 5:00 PM

I think you should ask yourself one thing do you really want to know who he is? and What would it do to your dad? Do you want to hurt him and does he love you like you are his own, before you find your father.

Message Friend Invite

Oct. 6, 2009 at 5:38 PM

The reason your feeling like the way you are is because part of you is missing, like a death, you are mourning to know about your paternal father.  This doesn't make him your 'dad' it is just the not knowing part because since you don't know, you can't grieve through the process in your head.   Does that make sense?  

Message Friend Invite

Oct. 6, 2009 at 10:47 PM

The man that will forever be mu Dad passed away in September 2003 from cancer.  He kept coming to the house and just sitting there...like he wanted to say something but never did.  Thanks to his then-gf and my mother, he died a week before any of us kids were told. 

You're right. I am missing a huge part of my life. Turns out that the first 22 yrs were a lie. I want to know what other family I'm missing. And what my kids are missing.

Message Friend Invite (Original Poster)

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in