Never what I expected, I will survive!

[DonnaJ]

WOW, my last post was on May 24th, I can't believe it's been that long.  SOOOOOO much has happened, goo & bad, but in the end all will be ok right? I need to journal this down, for my own mental health and hopefully it will help me move forward today.

My battle with my weight is almost over, as of today I have lost 104 lbs, from 261 to 147. I am so thrilled with how I feel. My energy is back, I have a spring in my step and searching for clothing is a lot easier and a bit cheaper (good thing).  From Jan. 1 2009 to today, only 7 lbs to go and I will be a my goal weight but I am happy with my body now, but for health reasons I need to be at 150 so the events ahead of me will be easier.

In July all the tests came back that I would have to have surgery. My cervix is eaten up with abnormal cells, the ones in their final stages before full blown cervical cancer.  Scary yes but positive thing is we caught it and I have a 6 mo. window to have the surgery before it progresses.  Our (DH & me) vacation we had been planning since Feb. 1 was on Sept. 19, a 7 day cruise in the Caribbean, we would be celebrating (late) our 9 yr anniversary and my weight loss. Leaving our girls (14 & 4) with grandma. So the surgery was scheduled upon our return.

We got on the boat on Sat the 19th, Monday night on the 21st we had an emergency phone call from home, panicked we ran to guest services only to find out our home was completely flooded and they had to rescue our 14 yr old out by boat. (the 4 yr old was at pre-k and picked up by grandma)  Our hearts sank, I cried and cried and cried that I was not there for my daughter in her time of fear and she felt all alone.  Due to passport issues we could NOT fly home so we had to SIT on the boat and wait for it to return to Florida. We cancelled all excursions and did not by ANYTHING as we needed every last scent we had upon our return home. Like most of the families in Austell, GA we did not have flood insurance. That week Carnival allowed us to use their phone to call home as much as we needed to make sure your girls were taken care of and make arrangements for someone to step in and oversee our home been stripped. Everything we owned, all our memories, photos, the 91/2 years we had accumulated has washed away.  The soaking wet items were pulled and tossed into a huge mound in our front yard to be disposed of as soon as possible due to the bacteria.

Saturday Sept. 26 Carnival allowed us to be one of the first off the boat and we were in our car and headed home to Atlanta by 7:30 am.  We drove like crazy just trying to get home. Sat afternoon we arrived home, as we pulled up to our home I was NOT prepared to see what I saw. All of my belongings, items, clothing, furniture, the entire contents of our home (even walls) in a huge wet smelly pile.  I stepped from my car, placed my hands on my face and fell to my knees. I broke down right there in dirty driveway and just WISHED I had been here for my girls.  As I relive this now, writing it down my eyes swell remember how hopeless I felt at that very moment.  I walked around the pile and focusing in on small items, pic of DH on my nightstand. Lamp from our living room, magnet from the side of the fridge. Each item with a specific memory. Each item with a place in my heart. Each item that I took for granted on a daily basis was now gone from me forever. Where to I go from here?

From that day to today has been one step UP in my life. I have learned to cope. I have learned who my true family is. Not true friends............TRUE FAMILY.  My husband always said, DNA has nothing to do with family. It has EVERYTHING to do with how you can truely count on. And people we didn't even know before all of this have lended their support and love in a way I had never seen before. A FEMA rep. came to our home and she said something to me that has proved true and I wish to share this, "while this pile of belonging sits here you are a victim. Once it is all gone you will be a survivor". She was right. the final remnants were gone on Monday and my outlook has improved, no more reminders of all we lost, just ideas of what we will be and that is how we will go on.

My surgery is next Friday and my hope is that our home will be rebuilt enough that I can recover at home, even if on an air mattress. I don't want to burden anyone with that, but my sister is ANMAZING in saying I can stay as long as we need to.  So as we get closer to 'S' day I will let you know where I will get to recoop and little by little we will build our family again.

Thank you for taking the time to read and allow me to pour my feelings out and tell my story. We are all amazing women, sometimes it just takes something amazing to bring it out, don't you agree?

[MomOf3.]

Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:10 PM

oh wow, that story brought me to tears, it's amazing how we find light at the end of the tunnel when we didn't see it there to begin with. It feels like all hope has been lost, but then you get through it and things turn around. I will be praying for you and your family.