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How the divorce goes...
- Oct 7, 2009 at 1:30 PM
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- Comments (9) Total Views (291) Everyone can see this journal post.
I sent him a text yesterday asking if he minded if I kept his last name. He responded with "I guess not. Just promise you'll let me live my life when the time comes."
Really?
We were together for five years, and he still has no idea what kind of woman I am. I want to keep the name because it's the same as my daughter's, and because it's a pain in the ass to change it. Not because I can't let go of him. What an ego that man has.
He says that I've given him every reason to think I'm going to be one of those crazy ex-wives who tries at every turn to ruin their ex's happiness with another woman...who will constantly cry and fume when he talks to another woman long after we're divorced.
Really??
He thinks this because I got upset at him for taking a girl he knew I had issues with to the movies the day after we had "the talk." Then got upset again when he invited her to spend the weekend with him out of town. Okay, so I get that we're not married in the traditional sense anymore, but he's still my husband, and even if he weren't, is it too much to ask for at least a day or two of mourning? I mean, married men shouldn't date...that's my opinion. When we're divorced, he can screw whoever he wants, but for now, he's a MARRIED MAN.
Whether you agree with me there or not, you have to at least see why my being upset about those events should NOT transfer over into the "crazy ex" label. He made me SO mad when he said that. I've always bent over backwards to understand his need for female attention other than my own. I've always tried really hard to be the "cool" wife, not getting upset even when I honestly really should have (those who've followed my journals for years know what I'm talking about). And he's NEVER appreciated it because I refused to be flat-out walked all over. Because while I drew my lines much further back than anyone else would have, I still drew lines. And he thought that was unfair.
Fuck him.
I'm keeping the name anyway. Not because I want a piece of him, but just because it's what I want to do, and screw his attitude about it. And as long as my ring is on his finger, I'll let him know how I feel about what he does on the side. Once it's off...he's not my problem anymore.
Comments:
Sounds like he wants you to still want him. I think it will be easier for your daughter to have the same last name as you. And for the record, I DO agree with you that as long as he's married he should show at least a modicum of consideration for your relationship. I'm sorry...
I'm sorry you are going through this. My friend's mom kept the last name after the divorce and she still has it and it's been 20 years. It will probably make things easier with school and things like that. Good luck!
Really? What an asshole. You want to keep his last name simply for the sake of convenience, that's all. I could go into more detail of what I'm thinking but I'll just make myself more angry thaen I am.
I think that ring should be coming off soon, my dear.
What a stupid asshole he is.
Fuck him.
Oy vay. Logic is not his strong point. You are setting a standard by which you want your daughters to live their lives. You demand respect because you want them to demand it too. But, he doesn't respect you, or the girls, or himself, really.
Grr.
What a jerk. You are not acting crazy. It is easier on children if you keep the last name.
I am sorry he is being this way. :(
He sounds like an arrogant, insensitive asshole. I wonder how he would feel if the tables were turned. I am sure he wouldn't like you prancing around with another man while you are still technically married. He obviously lacks empathy.
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Wow... he was WAY out of line with that statement, I agree. I mean, hell, at least let the ink dry first on the divorce agreement before you start whooping it up with other women! So disrespectful, I swear...
And for the record, I kept my ex-husband's last name too, mainly because my own is impossible for English speaking people to pronounce, and I didn't want to go through the hassle. I didn't even bother asking him, heh.
- Anouck
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