How fights start lol

[julieobug]

 My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping

channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'



I said, 'Dust.'



And then the fight started...





******************************************



My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while

we were in bed. I turned to her and said,



"Do you want to have sex?"



"No," she answered.



I then said, "Is

that your final answer?"



She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."



So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."



And then the fight started....





******************************************



Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,

grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the

boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential

downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,

turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all

day.



I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back

into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different

anticipation,and whispered, "The weather out there is

terrible."



My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid

husband is out fishing in that?"



And that's how the fight started....



******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the

road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how

sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?



Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!



He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM

NOT HAPPY!!!"



So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are

you?"





And then the fight

started.....

********************************** *******



My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary.



She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in

about 3 seconds.'



I bought her a scale.



And then the fight started...



******************************************



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

someplace expensive...... so, I took her to a gas station.



And then the fight started...



******************************************



After retiring, I went to  the Social Security office to apply

for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age.. I looked in my pockets and realized I
had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I

would have to go home and come back later.



The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt

revealing my  curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your

chest is proof  enough for me' and she processed my Social Security

application When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience

at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your

pants. You might have gotten  disability, too.'



And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,

and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat

alone at a nearby table.



My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old

girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up

those many years ago, and I hear she  hasn't been

sober since.'  'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go

on  celebrating that long?'





And then the fight started...

**************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,

took my order first.



"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."



He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""



Nah,

she can order for herself."



And then the fight started....

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I

feel  horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'



The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

And then ------ well, you know.........



Have a great weekend...

[IWantLotsOfKids]

Feb. 9, 2010 at 5:31 PM

These were funny!  I needed a good laugh!

[misscmo]

Feb. 21, 2010 at 11:22 PM

I've got to share these with my SO!!! LMAO