You are not alone!!!

[tinkerbell76]

I feel compelled to address the issue of Domestic Violence.  Many people don't understand domestic violence and I want to help others to understand it better. If just one person is affected by this information then I have done my job.  

What is Domestic Violence?

• name calling and put downs
• criticizing or embarrassing you in front of others
• to punch, shove, slap, bite, kick, choke, pull hair or hit you
• blocking doorways, holding you down, or shaking you
• sexual assault; forces you to do sexual acts
• threatening you, your children, pets or other family members
• using or threatening to use a weapon against you
• threats to kidnap children or to keep children if you try to leave
• prevents you or will not allow you to work or attend school
• keeps you from seeing friends or family
• steals or destroys your belongings
• stalking you
• threatening suicide in order to get you to do something or to prevent you from leaving
• withholds money from you or makes you ask permission for money
• withholds keys, purse, or money from you to prevent you from leaving

Why victims stay?

• financial dependence
• religious beliefs
• family pressures
• fears of being alone
• fear of increased violence
• loyalty to marriage
• denial; it isn't as bad as it is
• pity
• belief that they can fix the abuser
• believes they deserve the abuse
• love
• shame, embarrassment, humiliation
• believe it will get better or it can't get any worse
• survival; if I leave he will kill me, my children or my family

Cycle of Violence

1. Tension building phase—Tension builds over common domestic issues like money, children or jobs. Verbal abuse begins. The victim tries to control the situation by pleasing the abuser, giving in or avoiding the abuse. None of these will stop the violence. Eventually, the tension reaches a boiling point and physical abuse begins.
2. Acute battering episode—When the tension peaks, the physical violence begins. It is usually triggered by the presence of an external event or by the abuser’s emotional state—but not by the victim’s behavior. This means the start of the battering episode is unpredictable and beyond the victim’s control. However, some experts believe that in some cases victims may unconsciously provoke the abuse so they can release the tension, and move on to the honeymoon phase.
3. The honeymoon phase—First, the abuser is ashamed of his behavior. He expresses remorse, tries to minimize the abuse and might even blame it on the partner. He may then exhibit loving, kind behavior followed by apologies, generosity and helpfulness. He will genuinely attempt to convince the partner that the abuse will not happen again. This loving and contrite behavior strengthens the bond between the partners and will probably convince the victim, once again, that leaving the relationship is not necessary.

This cycle continues over and over, and may help explain why victims stay in abusive relationships. The abuse may be terrible, but the promises and generosity of the honeymoon phase give the victim the false belief that everything will be all right. (info from http://www.domesticviolenceroundtable.org/domestic-violence-cycle.html)

Victims Rights:

• You have the right to be you.
• You have the right to put yourself first.
• You have the right to be safe.
• You have the right to love and be loved.
• You have the right to be treated with respect.
• You have the right to be human; to make mistakes - NOT PERFECT.
• You have the right to be angry and to protest if you are treated unfairly or abusely by onyone.
• You have the right to your own privacy.
• You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.
• You have the right to earn and control your own money.
• You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life.
• You have the right to make decisions that affect you.
• You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind.
• You have the right to say NO.
•  

• YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.

You are not alone. It is not your fault. Help is available.

National Domestic Violence hotline: [phone]

[TJSMOM91804]

Oct. 14, 2009 at 12:34 PM

THANK YOU!!!   Been through that but was fortunate enough to get out before he killed me.  Would NEVER go back to that situation ever again.