When ur family dont care

[KALELnAYDENSMOM]

Okay so when I was younger I was adopted out bc my mother wanted to get her life together! Okay thumbs up to her! However when I was 9 she had gotten back my sister and my brother to raise and had my baby siter with her new hubby! Cool right exceot she never once called me to talk to me in those years and didnt talk to me till after my adopted dad died and I called to talk to my brother and she picked up the phone! Well when I found out I was preg with my oldest I decided to pick up our soon to be family and move to Mo to be witht he family I never had! There i didnt fit in I wanst apart of their family! I was still left out even when I was so close! after Ayden was born we found out the IUD I had gotten placed had failed and I became preg agin with the stupid thing still in me! I was 14 weeks along when the IUD incerted itself into my baby's head and killed her! My hubby wanted to be with me but couldnt cause ayden was 8m old and couldnt be in the hospital NOONE would watch him for my husband to be with me! SO I had to spend close to 15hrs in the hospital alone and dealing with this miscarriage, and having panic attakcs and hemeraging! A college back in home town in Ohio contacted me and said I could go to college for free to become a nurse they would pay for everything! SO I jumped on the oppertunity wanting to better myself and make things possible for my kids! I needed out of a town where it felt evryone hated me (By this time a guy I slept with once due to stupid reasons had come forward and toild my husband putting a huge wedge in they little bit of closeness I had with my brother) I was competely alone besides my husband and my son in a town where I knew so many people! The only person who ever seemed to care was my little sis! SO I repacked my family and moved us back to ohio to try and get a better grasp on where I belonged! (I'm still looking) So now none of my family will talk to me cuase I adandoned them so they say! I found out my Uncle died 4m after he died, and now My sis is 5m preg and no one told me! I had to find out on myspace that she was! Where do I belong my biological family apparently dont want me my adopter family dont want me (they really have nothing to do with my boys) GOd forbid If something was to happen to my husband I would be alone in this world with noone to count on or call for help! (Besides maybe a friend or two and his family) Is it so much to want to belong in my own family though! To be loved or even wanted?? I know I know I have my husband and my two boys and they will always be MY family but whats so wrong to want a mother to call when I dont know what to do, a sister to call when I need help or want to vent, or a brother to call to just to say hi to! I miss them but appently they dont miss me! Im so lost in this world where family is such a big thing! No wunder why I have such abandoment issues! What to do what to do!

[brmjt51975]

Oct. 12, 2009 at 4:56 AM

Take it from someone who felt the same way for YEARS ... Just learn to rely on you and you alone. It can be lonely and makes you want to cry sometimes but well worth it in the end. I learned to distance myself from people. My kids are my world. This is not to say that I have not formed relationships with family FINALLY - BUT I have learned in life to NEVER count on anyone. It may be there one day and gone the next. I do not let anyone hurt me, there is nothing there to hurt because I do not allow it . Some may say this is negativity - I think it is just one way to defend yourself against life's cruel ways. I DO NOT teach my kids to be this way by no means , but I do teach them to be self reliant and not to disappointed when someone lets them down.

[Kellyjude1]

Oct. 12, 2009 at 7:47 PM

 I read your journal post with tears.  I am so sorry for all you have gone through.  I cannot imagine how you must feel.  I am an adoptive mom myself, blessed by adoption.  My son is my heart, and I could not imagine my life without him.  My heart truly goes out to you. If ever you need a friend or someone just to listen you can message me.