The impossible question

[jsikapv]

Wife leaves Husband. Call it irreconcilable differences.

They live on a small island. Very few 'good' jobs, and even less opportunity for growth in any occupation (for either of them). 

She wants to go back to school (which husband never wanted/let/supported her to do) but the program that she needs to take to get her BSN is not available on said island.

They have 2 kids- elementary aged. Who have adjusted well over the past year to the bouncing back and forth between houses.

Here lies the problem;  Wife would most likely win if she went after full custody, but she cannot afford a lawyer, husband and family have retained every lawyer in small town anyway so it is a conflict of interest for even a consult. Wife has even tried the pro bono program, but the funds were not available to help her in her situation.  She is offered a chance to go to school to get said BSN in another state. PAID.

Husband has said that he is going to keep the kids for the school year, and wife can have them on all breaks and all summer. 

Ah, the impossible- is she a horrible mother if she leaves to better herself?(which will in return better the children in the long run) 

[Rubia653]

Oct. 12, 2009 at 10:38 PM

I'm sorry if this is happening to you, You are right though - an impossible question, of which I doubt anyone will give you an acceptable answer - since there is none. However - if your kids are both in elementary school, perhaps - perhaps you could talk to them about it and maybe they would be okay. Then make sure everything is in writting so that you get at least half or full custody once you get back.

[MunchiesMom324]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 9:06 AM

I've got it... mom agrees to husband's idea of him keeping the kids during the school year - written out that she gets them during breaks so hubby can't cry "abandonment!".  Mom gets herself settled in somewhere else, saves up the dough and hires a BETTER lawyer and gets the kids.  The end.

 

What do you think of my story writing skills? 

[jsikapv]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:53 AM

Thanks for the ideas ladies. It really is impossible, but I'm feeling like I have no other options but to agree to the terms of the schedule and fight it later.

(Original Poster)

[jstthegrlnxtdor]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 2:52 PM

I've been in your shoes... Yes, it is a hard decision!  However, what kind of mom would you be if you just stayed and worked a minium wage job and could never give your children the what they need and deserve?  You have to remember just because your not with your children, does not mean your not a good mother.  Do what's best for you now and the rest will follow...

[karamille]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 7:52 PM

You may need to double check but I believe if your husband is hte bread winner he is responsible for your legal bills. 

[karamille]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 8:24 PM

Also  - can you do anyof the first year classes online to stay close and reduce the amt of time you must spend away? 

[jsikapv]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 8:49 PM

Karamille-  He quit his job when I filed for divorce - something he always said he would do to avoid paying child support. Even after the court informed him that he will still have to pay at the rate he was making during the course of the marriage.  When I tried to make the original custody schedule, he refused to let me have the kids because I was renting a room and they didn't have their own bedroom. We have since gone to mediation services for that issue. Basically at this point, I am making more money than him. He also is able to claim all the state assistance since he has no income.  Which leaves me unable to pay the very few bills I have with no help. He moved in with his mom, and says he pays half of all the bills with the assistance he gets.  So I suposse I am the 'breadwinner' now.

 I can't do online courses for the nursing program, some of the math/english ones I can, but it wouldn't make much difference since to finish I would have to move anyways.  Granted it would give me more time with the kids here, with my current job- I cannot afford to stay in Alaska, especially another winter.

(Original Poster)

[mtnmama111]

Oct. 14, 2009 at 3:23 AM

I'd say talk to your kids about it in a way that you feel is appropriate- let them know why you are going- and go do it!! You could get it done quicker and easier this way!! And then be able to provide better for them as your hubby obviously won't do...

[vnw1405]

Oct. 14, 2009 at 6:59 AM I agree with mtnmama111 100%. You will be doing the right thing. You leaving to better your life for your children makes you an AMAZING mother. {{hugs}}