Adventures with Boomerangs

[maidn]

I had read many stories of the the so-called boomerang generation, adult children who move back in with mom and dad. In United States the proportion of adults ages 21 to 34 living with their parents has increased from 9% in 1960 to almost 17% in 2000. US census data also suggests that the rate at which adult children have been living with parents has been steady since 1981. However considering I have four children still at home from ages 10 - 16 and only two out I didn’t  think this would be an issue for me for at least a few years. As usual though my powers of perception are sorely lacking, since that is exactly what I will be doing in two weeks

In 2 weeks my oldest son, who is 26 and daughter -in - law along with their two children 3 and 6 months will be moving into my home. It seems that with the new baby they are unable to afford childcare as well as rent. Therefore, they have asked to move in with me . I have been planning to move to another town for about 6 months and  had intended to rent the big house to them when I left, but obviously in my plan I would be gone , not living right here with them! 

I have always been willing to help my children whenever I am able. As a mother, it is your natural instinct to protect and care for your progeny; however, for the life of me I have difficulty picturing how this is going to work in real life. My son is still in that young new parent stage that I left years ago and his wife and I do not get along. Do not get me wrong she is a good mother, a great wife and a hard worker. In those respects, I have no complaints. It is more of a personality clash with us. My daughter in law is one of those women who feel she is prettier, smarter and just downright better than everyone around her is and has no problem telling you to your face. On the other hand I am an abuse advocate, it is my life’s work to lift up the down trodden. In my opinion, the girl is beyond rude crossing over into being emotionally abusive, and though she knows this and knows how I feel she claims not to realize she is making hurtful remarks .  I have spent the past 4  years of their marriage, trying to understand  her point of view and finally  simply ignoring and avoiding interaction with her altogether . 

Now she is moving into my home, around my other children and me. She has already made it clear that she does not want to be here and that in a way she blames me for them having to move in. She feels that if I would baby-sit their daughters  for free, like a good grandma, they would not be in this place today. However as I pointed out I have four children at home yet to raise , am a single mother with  a full time job and am attending school myself. Even I have to draw the line somewhere. 

Therefore, here I am, over the next 2 weeks they will be moving in and then the adventure will begin. 

In my mind this can go one of two ways either we will learn to appreciate each other in new ways forging a new and wonderful strong bond between us based on mutual respect and admiration or this will be a disaster of biblical proportions. Anyone want to lay odds? 

[moongem76]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 12:21 PM

I am 32 and have been living with my parents since my divorce in 2004. I moved in with them two months after my son was born.

I really hate to be Debbie Downer but it has been hell on earth. I hate it. And I would move out in an instant if I won the lottery and had the money. I don't get along with my mother all that well. However, lately it's been pretty ok but it's on and off. She tends to point out EVERYTHING I'm doing wrong as a mother...and I mean everything. Some of it is just her own opinion of what is wrong. I don't believe in spanking and she does (I remember THOSE times when I was young...boy does she believe in spanking..per say)

Oh there is ALOT more..but I noticed this is a public post...if you want more info...you can message me. But of course, my point of view is from the adult childs side. So it might be biased but I try to make it as easy as I can for my parents. I pay them $600 a month rent and pay for mine and my son's food and I pay for my son's private school.

I believe there are just to many adults in the house. My 26 year old sister lives there to. She's never left the house. It's tough.

 

[maidn]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 12:29 PM

Thank you for your comments ... I know it is tough I lived with my mother for a short time when I left my husband. I want to make this as easy as possible and one of the house rules is to parent your own child! They are much stricter though than me .. and both are in that stage where they were perfect teens as compared to mine . There is also alot of the ... " you were never that lax with me stuff" I want this transition to be as easy as possible there will be 6 children here ... and 3 adults . The personality clash is what concerns me and I am afraid it will come to the point where I feel I am a visitor in my own home. 

(Original Poster)

[spitfire06]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 2:02 PM

If it gets to that point.. thennn you need to tell her to shut up or nut up as said in zombie land.. and just deal with the cards dealt to her..

hello i am a single mom too! and i dont have anyone to move in with to make anything easier :P its okay because i like having my own house but i also miss having somone help me when i get frusterated with estrella and the mess the house turns into ocasionally ..

 but seriously its YOUR house , she is technically a guest.. just a paying guest..(hopefully)..and YOUR Rules :)

i hope it turns out good, and ur DIL can grow and learn and not clash with you :)

love yah and break a leg as they say to actors..