Switched at Birth

[Kajenloca]

I have to admit, over the years I have questioned whether or not some of my children were switched at birth with other babies born at the same hospital. Not because of some unique physical attributes that didn't follow our family tree, mind you. But the quandary tends to arise after some outlandish action that leaves me scratching my head in wonderment: could this possibly be a child that I have given birth to? Surely, my more obedient, "normal" child must have been switched with this person...my true child is out there-some where...

Today it was my youngest that left me with this burning question of true paternity. Sure he looked like my other children, a perfectly sweet combination of my husband and me in looks. But evidence started to stack up against him; making me suspicious that maybe he wasn't my child after all.

After untying my cat from a ball of yarn, the dog leash and the legs of the dining room table and chairs-a red flag started to profusely wave. This was after somebody had set my alarm clock to wail at an ungodly hour. That same somebody had also changed the time on the aforementioned clock leading me to wake my household over an hour earlier than the real appointed hour for waking.

This child had been quite busy lately-squeezed out a tube of tooth paste and painted the bathroom with it-unrolled a roll of toilet paper-cut up massive amounts of miscellaneous papers with my kitchen scissors, the kitchen scissors that I had long ago given up on ever finding again-tried to microwave a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with 36 minutes still remaining on the timer when discovered...When asked: why, for the love of all that is holy, why?! He simply shrugged his shoulders and responded, "Because I had to."

What tilted the argument for me in favor of the "switched at birth" theory was when I loaded "my son" up in the van. He innocently held out his outstretched hand and requested to hold my keys. I was in a hurry, it was pouring down rain, I didn't give it a second thought as I naively handed him the keys.

I ran around to the other side of the van and suddenly heard CLICK! I pressed my face through the rain-streaked window. I could see the boy with a humongous grin, dangling the keys in front of the glass barrier that separated me from the dry interior of the van, cackling his head off with evil laughter...As soon as I could convince this child to open the door, I was driving him directly to the place of his birth to figure out how to exchange this boy for my rightful and good son!

I was eventually allowed back into the vehicle, drenched, not a happy camper. I asked once again, why, for the love of all that is holy, why?! He snorted with laughter, "It was funny!" I failed to see the humor as I wiped the dripping raindrops from my frustrated face.

"Get in your car seat and buckle in!" I snapped.

"No." The four-year-old simply stated.

I took a deep breath, counted to ten...it was during this time that I ironically received confirmation that this boy had not been switched at birth after all-he was with no doubt my son. I watched the child before me place his hand under his chin, in deep thought as he reconsidered his prior response. "Give me some chocolate and I will!" He smiled sweetly.

Sigh. So much for the "switched at birth" hypothesis, this was definitely my child. His reference to chocolate convinced me more than if I had a DNA test that proved we were mother and child...Oh, well. I was also just as convinced that it was his FATHER'S genes that made him act this way.

 

Tags: funny, switched at birth, why do kids do the things they do?

Add A Comment

[koalagirl]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 1:14 PM

Father's genes are the ONLY explaination!! LOL

[jewjewbee]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 1:19 PM

your kids sound like fun. i like rambunctious kids like that.

[adove01]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 2:31 PM

I'll admit that I've had those "switched at birth" moments, but never have they been outrageous as yours. I love reading your posts, I always feel a little more sane. lol

[PinkSodaPop]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 2:41 PM

 

 

This is great!

I always thoroughly enjoy reading your journals... Thanks for the nice break!  *Smiles*  

[ooph]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 2:45 PM

That gave me quite a chuckle.  He is what movies are made of. You would have known he was my kid instead of yours if he had asked for wine, not chocolate. 

[shell81]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 3:22 PM LMAO I wonder that also at times!

[cleanaturalady]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 4:22 PM

One of my kids locked me out of the house when I went to get the mail.  Unfortunately his two older siblings had followed me out to the mailbox.  My maniacal little two year old had locked himself in the house with his baby brother.  I did not trust him one bit not to do something with the baby.  A very tense negotiating session ensued before he finally opened the door.  My, oh, my, how I wish I could claim he belonged to someone else, but alas, he is my son.

Kim, you always have a story I can relate to.  We must have been separated at birth or something.  Oh, wait...I am much older than you so that can't be it.  Maybe I am a long lost relative or something.

[SalemWitchChild]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 4:48 PM

ROFL. Its always the fathers genes!

[LYNDELOU]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 5:20 PM

Funny You!!! Always able to make me *giggle* or LMAO!!!

Yet another reason why it's soooooooo wonderful having a grown child gone and out of state! :-)

Yes I Love Her .....But she can't do " funny " things to me and the DH!!!

[OldnWiseMom]

Oct. 13, 2009 at 9:34 PM Kim, if I wasn't so tired, I would be ROTFL! Believe me, i understand. Bless your heart. Hang in there--this is all preparing you for their teen years, where you instantly forget how hard it was when they were little, and long for tickling sessions and easy-to-solve problems! I love reading your journal entries, because it helps me keep things in perspective. We moms have to stick together! God bless your sweet heart! Wanda