October 15th-Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day

  Today, Oct 15, I will be lighting a candle at 7pm for the babies I have lost. www.october15th.com If you have lost a baby who never had the chance to make it into the world or one who was only here for a very short time, today is the day for remembering.

 My due date for my baby is coming up in 3 days. Then in another couple days it is my birthday. The 18th and 21 will forever be marked in my heart and I cant imagine having another birthday where I am joyus and wanting to celebrate.

 I have spent so much time in mourning for my baby and wanting to talk to someone, but I couldnt find anyone who could understand me. So it seemed. Even my friends who have lost a baby it felt like they didnt understand b/c so many of them had lost so long ago. They have had time to mourn and talk. Sadly, I have found out, even if they lost a baby 20 yrs ago, they were still saddened by their loss.

 Ive found a support group and am doing better, but since its still so recent my heart still hurts. I had so much baby stuff for my little one and was getting excited b/c I was nearing the 2nd trimester when I felt the pain and knew it wasnt going to end until I lost my baby. I didnt know what to do with the blankets and such. I couldnt take them back to the store. I just couldnt. I couldnt give them to friends b/c Id still see the blankets and such on their children and Id feel so sad. Then I figured something out. There were a ton of children whos parents couldnt afford a blanket or outfit. So I started to give them to parents who were expecting and couldnt afford nicer things. That did help a lot, but on Mothers Day and recently the last few weeks I still am very sad for my baby.

 I am so happy someone showed me this site. A way to grieve in my home while knowing others where thinking the same things I was and wanting to remember their babies and other babies.

 I started dating a man who I found out lost his first baby 8 years ago this past Monday. He knows I lost one baby. I dont like to talk to him about it b/c the baby I mourn for the most was furtherst along in me and one I wanted sooo bad. Not that my other baby wasnt wanted, it was. I lost that one at about 6 weeks pregnant and barely knew I had been. That was years ago and for some reason I didnt take it as hard as the one I recently lost. Anyway, I didnt know how to make him feel better. I didnt bother him that day. He called me that night and said him and his kids and ex wife had gone to the cemetary. They had went and said prayers and let a balloon go. He still hurts for his baby boy and I didnt know what to say to make it better. B/c I KNOW there is nothing I could have said.

 Later I left him a message that said I was laying here thinking and I wanted to let you know, my baby is in Heaven with a parent who died and whos child is still on Earth. That parent is taking care of my little one until I can be with them. Yours is in loving arms until you can be with them. I know that doesnt make it easier or better, but it helps me when Im overwhelmed with the thoughts of my baby.

 Did it make him feel better? I dont know. Id like to think so. I plan on talking to him tonight when I see him about it maybe.

 I am also lighting a candle for my babies and his and everyone else who I know has lost a baby. While today is a rememberance day, knowing I need to be strong for my children who are still on Earth I wont let myself fall apart. Instead I will light a candle, and think about my babies. I will be happy knowing they will not have to ever suffer. They are in one of the most peaceful places. I will never forget my babies. NEVER. But I know I cant dwell on something I cant undo.

 I love you babies. I am so sorry to everyone else who has lost a baby or child. I will say a prayer for you and your babies as well. I hope this might help someone.

If you read this, please vote for it be a favorite b/c I feel it might help others to learn about this day in case they never knew.