A family member is dying, and I'm mad at him.

[AshsWife]

So, I'm sure posting this will get me more negative than positive responses, but I needed to get this out and this was the quickest way I knew how.

My great uncle is dying. He has renal failure, and recently the doctors say he has had a heart attack. He's fading quickly and although I am EXTREMELY sympathetic to his children and close family members, I'm so mad at him I can barely see straight.

You see, from the time I was old enough to realize who my family really was, this man has been a MONSTER to me. And that was just because I knew how his ATTITUDE was. It has been only VERY recently (after finding out some things that he did to certain OTHER members of my family) that I developed a sort of unhealthy HATRED toward him.

Not ONLY did he force a 6 year old girl into a "sexual relationship" for YEARS and continue to brainwash her well into her SIXTIES to believe that it was her fault, but he also treated every offspring of hers (and THEIR offspring) like we were the absolute most DISGUSTING human beings he has ever had to TOLERATE.

DIRTY LAUNDRY???? I would Say so!!!!

For YEARS, I personally never got help from my family when I was abused and could not for the LIFE of me figure out why. I let them make me believe from the time I was 5 years old that the things that were happening to me were somehow my fault and that I should not tell anyone (especially the police) because if I wasn't such a "bad little girl", these people wouldn't be trying to hurt me!!!!!!

Now I know that they were INCAPABLE of helping me because they never had the help they needed for the things that happened to THEM and for at least ONE of them (my Grandmother, hero, strength, and rock) those things happened because HE did them!!!

I just got off the phone with my mother. You know what she said?????

"You should really learn to let the past go. Things that happened in your past have absolutely nothing to do with the present." Are you SERIOUS>!>?

Maybe the things that happened in HER past are easy for her to let go, but the man who stole her ability to parent me when I was growing up and HER mother's ability to parent HER when she was growing up is dying in a hospital right now and from what I can tell, has NEVER apologized to my grandmother, to my mother, and CERTAINLY not to me.

Not that his worthless apology would mean a damn thing to me at this point, but still.

Anyway, I just needed to get that out. I hope if there is a life after this one, that he really has been forgiven (at least by whatever he gets his forgiveness from) and that the next life is a place where he learns that hurting people doesn't just affect them directly, it affects MANY generations to come.

[bltcahill]

Oct. 16, 2009 at 11:51 AM

wow.  I'm really sorry to hear that you had so much to deal with.  You have absolutely every right to feel the way that you do.  But in a way, your mom is right.  You will eventually need to get past this and move on.  Probably not in the "just forget it ever happened" sort of way I assume she's suggesting.  Counselling would be a good idea, or even just journaling your feelings about it, and work on eventually accepting that it happened, and you're hurt and forever affected by it, but it doesn't have to be a controlling factor in your life, let yourself heal.  A man as selfish as this one, does not deserve one more ounce of your energy.  Don't waste your precious energy and emotion on him, he has already taken so much from you and your family, he's not worth it.

[GraphiXGirl]

Oct. 16, 2009 at 11:53 AM

my uncle presently is goin to jail after many family molestations all of girls ages 3-6 it started..and he has done to too many! His mom, our grandma tried to hide it and say nothing wrong..etc etc...all the girls came forward this year I was too young and remember nothing...so I didn't go forward..but everyone else did and HE IS IN JAIL!

 

The bible says someone nake touches another not marrie in the OLD test that they were to be stoned...and if the GIRL screamed she was to be forgiven and allowed to live....

 

So yes SCREAM OUT, TALK, BE FRUSTERATED no one should enjoy being raped, molested or abused....

Sorry doesn't really cut it when Death should be the punishment..horrible reshaping of your entire brain, wiring, and emotions and sexuality!

 

thanks for sharing and hope you get strenght and help you need... " God is never too far from each one of us" The bible says...

 

He hears all our tears, and the bible says he keeps them in a skin bottle...

 

He does care, you can share your feelings with him anytime day or night and he will listen and" bind up the broken hearted "psalms assures us!

[possummom]

Oct. 16, 2009 at 3:21 PM

you have every right to feel the way you do. no one should tell you to just "get over it". if you want to be angry then go ahead. this man does not deserve your time. there is a special place in hell just for people like him. he will face his judgement soon enough.

[MSugarKane]

Oct. 17, 2009 at 8:15 AM

I had an Uncle like that. He died when I was 21 of a massive heart attack.  I let 'the past' die with him.  From that day forward I protected my children from people like him~ ....its hard to forgive and forget but it can be done.   If not you hold it with you and HE wins in the end