Why am I so sad??

[MommyOfTwins09]

My boys would have been 2 years old November 4th and little SIncere on the 5th.I can't stop crying.Even though I have two more beautiful children the pain still cuts like it happened just yesterday.I'm very thankful for my children,I love them with all my might but I just can't help to think how life would be with those little boys in it also.Why couldn't they live and come home to mommy.Why couldn't I see them grow.Its so not fair.I still remember hearing my oldest son's cry.I remember holding their little warm bodies as they took such small little breaths.And I remember changing their little diapers after they had passed away. My heart won't stop hearting,the closer it gets to their birthday the worse I feel.I just want to celebrate their birthday,but I know I'll cry the whole two days like last year.I'm so tired...I'm being so selfish for being this way when I have two little ones to smile for!

[ColtsFan1912]

Oct. 16, 2009 at 5:20 PM

aww i am so sorry :( ((((hugs))))

[TLW514]

Oct. 16, 2009 at 5:20 PM

Sweetie, I am soooo sorry for your loss. I cant say I understand your pain, but in a sense of the way, I can. I lost my dearest sister 13 yrs ago on Nov 1 and I lost my daughter through adoption 2 yrs ago. I hope that you will be able to find some peace.

I think you should celebrate the day in your own special way. If I may suggest, maybe get two big ballons, write a message on them to the boys in a sharpie, give it a kiss and send it to the sky for the boys. It has helped me let some of those heavy thoughts and feelings ease of my mind. Just an idea.

God bless you and your family 

[kkbird]

Oct. 16, 2009 at 5:25 PM

I am sorry for your loss.  I lost my first son in 97 at birth.  I know have a 5 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter.  I thank god for them everyday. I do how you feel and let me tell you, it's hard. my son who have been 12 now. 

I know its hard but it does get easier with time. WE NEVER FORGET but to help cope have you tried talking to your dr about antidepressants to help???    I know the saddness and pain of wondering why god would allow this to happen, and feeling of anger too.  I will keep you in my thoughts.......   

all we can do is take it one day at a time and try to feel peace, and serenity in knowing they are ok and are little angels watching over us and their other brothers and sisters. They are ALWAYS with us in everything we do.... I hope you take comfort in know that..... Take care...

[Julie411me]

Oct. 16, 2009 at 6:50 PM

I am so sorry for you and for the other commenters that also suffered losses. 

I hope time helps and you get through their birthday a little easier this year.  Just hug your sweet children and take it a day at a time.

My best to you.

Julie

[lacylady]

Nov. 6, 2009 at 9:47 PM

I lost my baby 39 years ago on Oct. 23 1970. I bake a birthday cake every year to celebrate, He was our first so my kids never knew about him. And even though I have told them once they got older. They really don't even realise that its his birthday. Its just another day to them npt to me and my baby we know an its our birthday cake.....So you have two liyyle ones here and two waiting in heaven for you to get there....You are most diffently Blessed,your twins are beautiful.....