Mother in law woes

[mina_amysmom]

I am really uncertain about what to do about my mother in law.

She is the strangest person I have ever met and I can't even begin to describe her so that people can understand her personality. Unless you have met her, you just won't get it.

I think she has ADD or possibly a personality disorder. She talks all the time pretty much about the same things. If she is not talking-she is singing. She narrates her actions. I know she is very intelligent-possibly genius level. Her father is a genius and my husband is 2 IQ points away from genius. Maybe that is part of it.

She is really nice. When I don't have to see her I like her well enough. Sometimes she gets a little psycho with the telephone calls-like every day. And if we don't answer the house phone, then she will call my cell and my DH's cell. When I don't answer or call her back for a while, as soon as I talk to her, I get grilled on why I didn't call her or answer for the first 5 minutes of our conversation. WTF-I don't owe you an explanation-if you want the truth I just didn't feel like talking to you. When you DO talk to her, you can seriously put the phone down for 5 minutes and she wouldn't even notice. She doesn't call you to geniunely found out about you-she calls to talk about herself-she is very self-centered.

She doesnt work-hasn't in years. Honestly I don't know how she survives. Well, I do. She finds men and clings onto them, sucking them for all she can. She does things for them-cooks, cleans, sex. In return she expects your undying love.

Her current victim-"the blind guy" she used to date him, but he cut that off a while ago. Now she just lives there. He kicks her out every weekend. He has "evicted" her multiple times and she still lives there. I don't get it at all. She bitches about how she has to clean and cook and take care of the dog and drive him places, etc. I want to scream at her "YOU LIVE THERE FOR FREE YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH". Heh when she was at our house she would let me read his emails and listen to his voicemails. I havn't determined yet if he is just as insane as she is or if he is just fucking with her. The first day he sends her this email saying pretty much, you are never welcome back here-I have packed up your stuff andyou can come and get it by appointment. Then about 2 hours later he calls her and tells her she needs to take him to a dentist appointment next Monday. The next day he calls and leaves a message telling her what she must do every day "You can watch tv from 8 to 9 then eat breakfast. After 10 you need to work on your business (she is trying to be a personal trainer), blah blah. The next day he leaves a message "I went to your yoga class-no one likes you and everyone thinks you should quit"....seriously I cannot make this stuff up.

So on weekends when blind guy kicks her out, she goes to hiker guys house. I am pretty sure he sees her as a fuck buddy who he camps with. She on the other hand sees him as a potential guy to move in with. He has a 4 bedroom house but has told her no-she ASKED him if she could move in with him-that just flabbergasts me.

When she was up at our house to "help" after the baby was born, she cooked every day for a week. I didn't want her to, but my DH said she wanted to help. So I let her. I seriously do not know how this woman messed up my kitchen SO much. So every night after dinner I cleaned up-much more than I would have if I cooked. AND of course she is broke so we were paying for these extravagant meals she planned up. EVERY day she would send me to the store. I think we spent about $400 on groceries that week-about triple what I would have normally. Then every night I had to listen to my DH complain about how dinner wasnt ready until 8 (I have it ready when he gets home), then listen to her bitch about him watching TV "Andrew I cooked this meal, the least you could do is talk to me"-there is is-the "I did something for you, now you owe me" attitude of hers that drives me nuts. We didnt ASK you to cook, you VOLUNTEERED.

So the latest thing is. After the birth of our baby she came up for a week. A week of HELL for me. She drove me nuts. Somewhere around the middle of the week, she started sleeping with our next door neighbor (yes, she JSUT met him). My worst nightmare. Now instead of coming to visit us, she comes and visists "him"...right next door so she can come over.

This weekend was the first threat of that happening. I told my husband NO. I do not want to see her. I am not sure what he told her. But my DH txts me the following:

Him:My mom left a message saying shes not coming anymore and is hurt that nobody cares and just wanted to see Marley (our baby).

Me: I C

Him: Shes good with the guilt trip altho at the same time I don't know why she bugs you as much as she does

Him: I mean I do but I guess Im just so used to it-her and my dad

Me:What do you want me to say to that? Am I supposed to feel guilty or something?

The truth is, I do feel guilty. I don't like to hurt people-even rude people who lack the common courtesy to wait to be invited to your house versus imposing their will on you. And I don't like to hurt my DH. I know it is his Mom. I know he REALLY wants me to like her, even though he says himself that his mother drives him nuts.

So here I am stuck with what to do. I KNOW this is going to be an ongoing issue in our relationship. Personally I would be happy if I NEVER saw her again. But I know that is not possible. This is her son. This is her granddaughter. It might be "ok" if she actually wasnt an unemployed moocher and had the funds to stay in a hotel when she came up here like a normal person would.

The holidays are coming up and I KNOW she is going to want to come to stay.

I seriously am contemplating divorce. I love my DH quite a bit. But I do not want her in my life. I guess if I was honest with myself there are things about my DH that do bother me and make me wonder if I can last long term with him anyway-but that is another journal post in and of itself. I know he doesnt like her-but he can deal with her. Afterall its his mother and he has dealt with her all his life.

What would you do?