I know there is a higher power because...

[HisCoasterofluv]

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe

 

I know there is a higher power because of second chances. I believe that people who learn from their mistakes are given second chances by the higher power, and those who don't, continue to repeat them.

 

I started my adult life much younger than any girl should. I was out of my parents house by 16, pregnant and married by 17, working in the adult entertainment industry by 18 and divorced by 19. I suffered what I thought would be the greatest loss of my life when my brother passed away but then suffered a loss that was equally devastating again at the age of 22.

I believe it was as a result of these catastrophic events taking place in such a short time frame that I came to be diagnosed manic bipolar. It is said that sufering a great loss can bring on such an illness, well one right after the other certainly doesn't help.

 

How did I manage to turn my life around? I suppose I got sick of it. I never claimed to be a victim of anything other than my own self destruction. When you look at life from the standpoint of a victim it is very hard to comprehend a solution. When you believe yourself to always be in control, you can stop the madness whenever you want. I watched all my friends fall apart. To this day, a few have found refuge in getting an education, one has a great family and is living pretty much the same life I am, while the rest just fell apart and never did turn their lives around. These are the ones who still, to this day believe they are victims.

 

Although I miss my brother dearly I was given a second chance. I have a wonderful family, a beautiful home and you would never ever guess me to have been the person I once was.

 

So I believe there is a higher power. If all the terrible things that happened to me had never taken place I would not know all the wonderful people things I know now. I'd like to say thank you to the higher power for giving me the opportunity to turn my life around, and turn misery into beauty. The past is gone and we have only the future to look forward to. Don't look back.

 

Flowers rise from the dirt, and so have I.

 

 

[NannyB.]

Oct. 19, 2009 at 6:53 PM

Good for you!  I know how much effort it took to do what you have done!

[daye62]

Oct. 19, 2009 at 7:49 PM

This was an amazing post.The truest,most life-affirming,encouraging testimony I've heard in a very long time.Your story reads much like my own life and my own path of self-hatred.I invited everybody else to that party,and then I had a spiritual awakening,and the truth of it reverberated in my soul.I learned to love myself and then stood back in awe as I attracted to me others who also saw my loveableness.I read journals and posts here so often from hurting women wanting to know why and what they're doing wrong.They need a copy of your journal.Bless you.

[HisCoasterofluv]

Oct. 20, 2009 at 12:41 AM

OMG thank you so much. The power of faith really is amazing. I've come to know of it as Tao...positive visualization. If you not only believe something to be true but KNOW it to be true, it really will be.

(Original Poster)