Twisted

[jsikapv]

 So I'm just going to get this all out. I'm pissed. Actually I'm more than pissed, I just can't think of a better word to describe what I am feeling.. so pissed it is.

Technically, Sean and I are still married. Technically, as in the divorce isn't final yet-  We've been seperated since at least April.

So he calls me last night to tell me that his girlfriend had a miscarriage. Gee, Didn't know she was pregnant, let alone that he even had a girlfriend.

I'm sorry, but this is going to sound harsh, but I don't care. My first thought was, "hmm. Karma's a bitch eh sean?" Of course, I didn't say that outloud, and I actually felt guilty for even thinking that because I KNOW what it feels like.

I think that's where my pissed off state of mind started. Because, I know what it feels like to loose a baby. I've miscarried before, and it's painfully fresh in my mind. I struggled to keep HIS children inside of me, it almost killed me. I'm not being dramatic, it literally almost killed me to be pregnant. I hemmoraged with the first one, and almost died. I got a blood clot in my lung with the second one and almost died.  Because of these things, I had a hysterectomy. I cannot have any more children, although I want another one. 

When we first filed for divorce, he was brutal. He would tell me that no man would ever want to be with me because I can't give him a child. Since I am dating someone, that really hurt because yes, we have talked about that fact. He is 35 and has no children, and he always thought that he would have at least one, but being with me, obviously that is not an option. He loves my kids that I already have, and in all honesty, he is more of a father figure to them than their own dad.

So I think that's another reason that I got so mad when he called to tell me that he had gotten someone pregnant. He knows that it hurts me, because I can't have another baby.

So about 2.5 seconds into the conversation, I tell him that I hate him. Don't call me, I'm not your shoulder to cry on, and does your girlfriend know that you are calling your "wife"?

I also reminded him of how even last month, he went into a screaming rage that I was committing adultry by sleeping with my boyfriend. I was a horrible person, going to hell, and that he hasn't slept with anyone.  Once I reminded him of how he has treated me, he stops and goes,

"Okay Jessica- I'm sorry. I made it up. God's honest truth, I haven't slept with anyone. You are still a whore"

 

WTF?! He's sick. Twisted and needs some serious mental health.

 

Oh and then, 30 minutes later he texts me, saying that I must still love him- otherwise I wouldn't have gotten so mad. ...  and then those texts continued all damn night.

[BrittBratt]

Oct. 20, 2009 at 11:55 AM

GEEZ. What a freaking psycho.

[NeverGiveUp489]

Oct. 20, 2009 at 12:02 PM

No wonder you are not with him. So sorry about your lost of the baby. You deserve to be happy keep him out of your life.