surgery and my emotions

[autiemommy2]

Andrew is having his surgery tomorrow... and I'm getting very emotional about it.

This is extensive dental work... we've been waiting over 2 years to have it done b/c no dentist wanted to touch him. I went through pre-op with Andrew yesterday and that was hell. He screamed the entire time. I swear, I wish I could take his Autism from him, even if for a little while so he could endure a doctor's visit.

The dentist tells me that she doesn't think she can save his teeth, but she will try. I'm sad and angry all at the same time. I don't want him to lose his teeth! I know they are rotted and he's in pain, but he is already not eating. Removing his teeth will make it even harder for him to eat! I already do everything I can to feed him - which is only pureed baby food; and being on the GFCF diet restricts what he eats even further. I'm sad that he won't have his top 4 teeth until the adult ones come in when he's 6 or 7 years old. He's only 3 now!

I am just not handling this well. I tear up a lot just looking at him or thinking about it. DH was originally going to take him in to have surgery since I'm nursing our one month old, but I decided yesterday to pump milk and DH is going to stay home with Andrew and Zachery while I take Andrew to have surgery.

It's taken so long to get here and now I'm worried that he won't have any teeth. Plus, she added FIVE root canals to the procedure list! I've never even had a cavity, but I understand that root canals are so painful. I don't want my son to go through that pain... and not be able to eat... AND have the odd sensation of no teeth! Andrew already has severe sensory issues when it comes to his teeth, this is just going to be hell for him - and us. Brushing his teeth has ALWAYS been a struggle, but we do it anyway, despite the tears and screams. But this.... *sigh* this might be more than Andrew or I can handle!

I'm so emotional. I'm just ovewhelmed. I'm not exactly the religious type, but I pray that God spares my child any more pain. This will not be his last dental surgery... and there is a strong possibility that if they remove his teeth and Andrew can't eat, then they will have to put in a feeding tube. That is the LAST thing on Earth I want.

I don't want to deal with another surgery... and I know Andrew. He would constantly pull the tube out. I don't want to fight him on it. And I don't want him to have to go through any thing else. My poor little boy... no one said being a mother was easy!