I can't hurt like this anymore!

[Dianne1259]

It's almost over.  I have called the Bishop and asked him to have my name removed from Membership.  I don't belong there anymore, maybe I never did.  I screwed everything up.  My heart is broken.  This week I should have been going to the Temple, now I will never see it.  I am a failure and a disgrace and I let everyone down.  For what? A man?  Is he worth it? (who knows - we both have serious issues) but for now I feel better with him than I do without him and if it means giving up all I have ever wanted despite the fact that it makes no sense at all, well I guess that is just what I need to do.  I am heartbroken, but I have also hurt so many people and let so many people down.  If I didn't have my kids this would have a different ending, but I am not THAT STUPID!! 

I am however tired of failing.  I can't do it anymore and I can't hurt this much anymore either.Returning my TR was bad enough, now I feel lower than dirt, and I can't come up from lower than dirt.  I guess I will take what I can get from this relationship and when it goes south (as they ALWAYS DO) I will see how I can find a way to end the pain then.  Right now though, I don't want to be alone, I have been alone for what seems like forever (it's only 2 years but it's been one heck of a 2 years!).  I need to concentrate on school and my kids and whatever else comes my way.

I let my friends down, I let Heavenly Father down, and when you do that, there is no turning back.

[avpriddis]

Oct. 26, 2009 at 7:55 PM

there is always turning back!  Maybe you are supposed to be with this man.  If you feel better with him than without him.  Perhaps there is a journey you are meant to take together.  Don't give up on yourself though.  Your friends are here for you, and we always will be. 

[ahortiz5]

Oct. 26, 2009 at 8:12 PM

i am so sorry, you are going though this, but you know what, GOD LOVES YOu, HE NEVER GIVES UP ON YOU.,. I dont know what happen, but he DOESNOT STOP CARING.... So yes, you can turn back to GOD.... He loves You Diane, and maybe this man is meant for you, to get married???? pray about it, ask God about it, tell him about it, and invite him to be part of your life... I am sure he misses You.

here is for you always, GBU

[HBP1236]

Oct. 26, 2009 at 8:33 PM

There is always turning back Dianne.  That is what the Atonement is for... Christ paid the price for us all and that is how we can return even when we have sinned grievously.  I love you.  You have to know that.

But please, PLEASE don't give up.

[soccerchik8287]

Oct. 27, 2009 at 10:10 AM

Sweetie think about how much you love your boys. Heavenly Father loves YOU even more than that! Just as you know you will love your kids no matter what mistakes they make, Heavenly Father will love you no matter what mistakes YOU make! You will always be a daughter of God and he will always be there for you!