A childhood that was supossed to be filled with happy memories,

now lay still as an infant corpse,

and what should have been a loving home, instead was a brutal war zone.

you`ve hurt me in ways I cannot begin to describe.

phisically, mentally, and deep inside.

you`ve humiliated me in public, degraded me for the world to see,

expression was never an option.

In front of you, I could never be me.

A whore, a Bitch, a Slut.

A title you gave me to wear,

A worthless peice of Shit,

these things an innocent should never have to bear.

you strangeled my dreams, then slowly murdered my soul.

Till I was nothing more than a zombie, wandering in my own dead cold world.

you forced me to wear a mask, not to let anybody in

I was hurt once before, I promise never to be hurt again.

But now my tears have dried to dust.

My hardened heart begins to melt

now, for so many years, I`ve been alone

Hiding from my pain, hiding from myself.


age 14

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Comments:

RNsteph
Dec. 23, 2009 at 1:14 PM

Paganbaby, I could have written that poem; and to read it today, when my father is up in arms and calling me a liar over the truth he is now forced to see, has helped me so much.  I am sorry that you have been through this, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this poem.

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Trust...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 2:00 PM

Paganbaby... I also have a couple of "letters to Daddy"  ...one was when I was age 10 and I slipped a hate note into my daddy's sock drawer while I was putting his clothes away.

Here is my most recent letter to daddy... would you mind reading?  It was read at his funeral in 2005.  IF you have the time, there are links in  that journal to other writings that explain the incidents leading up to his passing and the writing of the letter.

HUGs!!

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Colts...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 4:28 PM

i am so sorry you had to endure that. . . thank you for having the courage to share that. ..it is well written. i can feel your pain in each word. You are a strong, beautiful, brave woman.

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Wyndi
Dec. 23, 2009 at 4:49 PM

I was once where you were also. Only it was my mother and not my Dad. My mother went so far as to steal my identity and ruin my credit. Had I found out she was using my SSN I would have put her in jail. Harsh but true.

Don't let the past be your future. Come out from under the basket and let your light shine out bright.

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Shirl...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 9:21 PM

Your strength in sharing your story with us may give someone the strength they need to put something behind them. You never know what will happen just because you were there. Not in person but in spirit.  Be who you are and find you.... You are stronger then you think... God Bless

Shirley Bollinger

http://www.Gifts4-Baby.blogspot.com

http://www.happyholidaygiftstore.blogspot.com

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vtmam
Dec. 24, 2009 at 8:02 AM

I am so sorry if this is really about your life.                                                       I hope that by angelwriting and hopefully talking to people you realize that he has to be the one with the problem not you. A child never deserves to be treated bad in anyway. You did not ask to be born and you deserve to be treated  and loved by someone who cares and respects you for who you are not by any person who disrespects you.Never let anyone degrade you.Keep your head up and never let this so called Dad bring you down.

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mars33me
Dec. 24, 2009 at 8:56 AM

Best poem I've read in a long time.  Kudos to you for moving on and becoming a better person in spite of your trials.  Good for you that you have a voice and know how to use it!!

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Trust...
Dec. 24, 2009 at 12:35 PM

PaganBaby... I wanted to thank you for stopping by my journal and commenting! 

I thought I had the links to the others in there, but I was mistaken. 

See, my dad was one of my main abusers... I just wanted to let you know that there is healing, and peace, and hope!!

Here is my testimony... and here is the link I meant to give you along with my "Letter to Daddy."

More hugs!! 

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Gecko85
Jan. 29, 2011 at 11:02 PM

my mother was abusive. I am just now beginning to accept that I am loveable and that my husband actually does love me for who I am. It is still hard to let go of her and my self esteem is sorely damaged. Thank you for sharing this.

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livewell
Feb. 28, 2011 at 10:00 AM

(((hugs))) I am glad you were able to share that very personal and beautiful poem with us.

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