My heart is broken for Noah..

[mysticmom2]

Im so upset right now. This might be kinda long so thank you for anyone who read this. First of all for anyone who doesnt know my son Noah who is 7 has Aspergers syndrome. Well here is the story. I volunteer at the school alot because the kids are both up there this year and i have nothing else to do really. Well I was up there in the library yesterday and was letting a kid read to me when Noah came in the library really excited and in a good mood. He came up to me and whispered to me that he was in a relationship with a girl in his class name Jordan and than he went on his way. I asked him about it when we got home. He wrote her a letter the day before and was asking her to play Titanic with him (he is currently obsessed with the Titanic) and he said she wrote him a letter back saying he was crazy. He than went on to tell me that they are boyfriend and girlfriend because he would chase her and follow her and she would run away and than she wore a fancy hat for him. (not sure she understood she wore it because it was hat day). Well today I was at the school and he said a boy in his class told him he should break up with her and he listened to him because it seemed smart. When we got home I was asking him what happened. He said the boy tried to tell him that she really didnt like him,that she was trying to embarrass him and that she wasnt being nice and he should break up with him. Well when I asked him about it some more he told me that she had said the day before that she would be his girlfriend if he danced infront of everyone. Noah has terrible motor skills and when he tries to dance he kinda looks like his just flailing around. He said when he danced for everyone like she said that everyone really enjoyed it so much that they were laughing. When he said this my heart sunk in my stomach so far and fast it almost made me sick. All kinds of thoughts started running through my head and all i could do was grab him and give him a big hug. Im not sure he even understood why. I asked him how he felt about all of this and he said it didnt bother him. Why is it bothering me so much than? Noah has a really hard time picking up on things and reading other people and trying to tell when someone is joking or not. So now im saddened by the fact that this will probably happen to him a good bit through life. Im am thankful that there was a kid nice enough in his class to fill him in on what was going on. Im also tore up that kids so young are already playing with people's feelings and being so cruel. Im just really upset.

[angiewith2]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 6:14 PM

That is sad. I'm glad it doesn't seem to bother your son so far. Kids can be so mean.  I'm sorry. I know how i'd feel if my son told me that story.  I don't know what i would say to him. Maybe just that he shouldn't have to do special requests just to be somebody's friend/boyfriend. I don't know.

[mamatomy3boys]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 6:23 PM

I'm so sorry!  I got teary eyed reading this.  Kids can be soooo cruel. 

[CooksWife]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 6:25 PM

:(  This breaks my heart.  I have more to say but it's bath time so I am marking it here to come back too.  My son has developmental delays and I hadn't thought about the future possible impacts of that sort of thing.  Although I will readily admit that social interactions of children scare me in general ;)  I really wanted also to ask real fast if he is in any support groups or play groups for kids of his similar diagnosis?  Not even for him, but mainly for you!  Itu about the "Why am I so upset?" part- even if my kiddo is too young for me to know much of the rest you may be going through... Big hugs to you Momma!  And it sounds like you have a sweet heart of a boy!

[pinkdragon36]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 6:26 PM

There is nothing more cruel and yet so innocent as a child. Some of those children do it because their parents do it. I am sorry you are upset about it ((((HUGS)))). Thank goodness for that child who tried to explain it to him. 

[Christi-chan]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 6:27 PM

Oh the days of the younger bf/gf stage. lol. That is sad though. I think I would've started to cry actually and then hug him. At least he is able to confide in you and talk to you so that even if he doesn't understand you will at least know what is going on.

[kkbird]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 7:14 PM

I am sad to hear that. poor little guy. I'd go to the little girl and tell her she has a big fat booger in her nose that people were talking about her and laughing..... LOL nah...just kidding!!! (did it make u smile???)

there is gonna be alot more teasing and so forth they are some mean kids now days, but when the teasing and stuff becomes harmful to him such as hitting and throwing things of that nature or tripping him then thats when I would be concerned for his safety. 

let him know that its NOT ok to do things that the other kids tell him to do. (he may get hurt at something ya know)  and keep the communications open with him (u have a wonderful relationship with him)  good luck and take care of that little angel.....

[CooksWife]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 9:31 PM

Back!  SO I just recently joined a playgroup for kids with dd in our area.  I was sorta "afraid" to at first.  I am VERY shy and we are military so it's hard getting close to people only to move.  BUT I have to get my son out to socialize because he tends to have trouble engaging and understanding social protocol etc.  This was the best thing I could have done.  When we meet up, every mom there understands me!  And I can relate to other's frustrations in a way I hadn't found much of before.

One of the things I over heard mentioned was about how in other places around the world, people emphasise strenghts, while our culture often emphasises places we need to improve.  There's almost always a push to get people "on the same page" but rarely one to help those with gifts excel. 

Personally, I believe everyone has a gift.  There is something your sweet Noah can do best :)  Try to focus on that when the weight of the hard parts is weighing you down.  I would also consider talking to the teacher.  Even if they don't do much, just having her aware of what's going on can help. 

My heart breaks over this post.  My son carries a weighted backpack to help with his sensory needs.  I know if ANYONE touches that backpack, he freaks.  Which can be alluring for some children to provoke.  But just as these kids are not mature enough to understand the harm there, I think it's similar in Noah's situation.  Those kids, if they grow up to be good people, will repent that later.  It's sad... But it's youth and naivete.

GL! You sound like a brave Momma! 

[mysticmom2]

Oct. 28, 2009 at 10:17 PM

Thank you all for your kind words. I am feeling a little better about it now. My husband reminded me that we can't be there for him ever second and he will have to learn some things the hard way. He attends play therapy one morning a week at school and I think Im going to ask the lady he works with if she might can help us help him on how to pick up on signs of when he is being made fun of or someone is being mean.

(Original Poster)

[truthrowan]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 3:36 AM

People used to do similar cruel things to my younger brother, who has Aspergers. Please let the administrators in on it NOW, and start teaching little Noah that not everyone has his best interests at heart. I know it seems cruel, but in the end it is for the best.

My brother was naive and thought everyone was his friend, and listened as a Sophomore in high school when his supposed "Friends" told him a girl liked him and wanted him to grab her butt. Only her very understanding father (once explained to), her kindness, and forcing a confession out of one of the responsible parties kept my brother from being CHARGED with sexual harassment and expelled. We were extra lucky that I heard one of the girls who was in on it bragging in the bathroom about getting that "Retard Brandon in trouble" and was trusted by administrators to be truthful.

My brother is now 22, and still doesn't understand he can't trust everyone, because it's a lesson my mother never pushed for him to learn. The world is a MUCH more dangerous place for him because of it. I know asperger's kids can be obsessive, but introduce the idea now so he isn't treated worse and taken advantage of.

[lilmom71]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:55 AM

Just remember that kids don't always understand like adults do.  The girl may be getting teased because he is chasing her around.  As a last resort she may of tried to turn the teasing to him instead of her.  In any situation there is always two sides of the story so don't take it to heart unless it gets violent.