I miss him so bad it hurts

[zackaroosmom]

 It's been two months and one week since Stetson has left us. Today I have been thinking about him constantly. I decided to go through the caring page journal I kept when he was in the hospital. As I went through, getting closer to the day that he died, the harder the tears came. I started to read the entry of his last day with us. I could only get through a few sentences. This was the first time I have went back and read what I said. I don't understand where it all went wrong. He was getting better and then all of a sudden went down hill. I wish he was here. I wish the reason why I'm up right now is because he was hungry or not sleeping through the night yet. I wish my husband was here to hold me. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. The pain hurts more than anything I have ever experienced. Saturday is Halloween. I don't feel like doing anything at all. It will be the first of many holidays without Stetson. I can't seem to stop crying. I want my baby.

[360]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:34 AM

I can't imagine your pain. I am sorry for your loss.   Know that there are those who are holding you in prayer.  Rest in that comfort. 

[shell81]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:20 AM

I can't imagine what you are going through. He is up there watching over your family:)
HUGS

[kiowaqueen]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:43 AM

Aww girl im sooo sorry....Time will heal ur heart Just pray ask and seek for comfort..The Lord will hear u !  

[krisa]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 3:35 PM

Reading your journal and this entry my heart was hurting for you,tears filled my eyes. I am so sorry to you and your family! I happen to come across your page from your entry in one of my groups and wanted to send my condolences. May God give you the strength to pull through this . I will keep you and your family in prayer! God bless your little angel, he  so beautiful! 

[thenguyenclan]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 4:52 PM

oh sweetie im so sorry :-(  i know how you feel about the holidays.....i lost vanessa a month ago and i was realizing today that halloween was going to be here in a couple of days and vanessa should be with us :-( 

i dont know if it gets any easier around the holidays....it sucks that our babies were chosen for a reason... i still cant believe shes gone most of the time :-( 

hang in there mama...((BIG HUGS))  ill be thinking of you and all the other angel baby mommies this season and on all the other holidays that we will be having without our babies :-( 

if you want to talk or anything feel free to PM me anytime... :-)

[Sharpcat]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 5:35 PM

awww, mama. i have tears in my eyes right now...for you, for Stetson...and because i know all too well how you're feeling. The holidays are hard....all of them. after Gabby passed away, we bought a candle for her...just a plain, white candle, and we light it every holiday and at every family gathering to keep a place for her. it doesn't make it any easier, but it's important for me to make sure she is honored and loved. i'm so sorry mama....((((hugs))))

[ladyluc27]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:11 PM

I just came across your journal. Let me just say my heart goes out to you! Just know you are thought of at this most difficult time. Hugs!

[leslie_myers]

Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:01 PM

im so sorry your having to go through this. When we lost haydin I prayed no mother would ever have to go through the loss of a child. It is the most painful thing to have to go through by far. I pray that things get better for you and your family. It has been a year and three weeks since we lost haydin and the pain doesnt get better or go away it just becomes easier to deal with it. I pray that you and your family are able to find peace and are able to be there for each other because you truely need each other.

[mfbmoreno]

Nov. 2, 2009 at 12:52 PM

I know it is hard to understand the why and I know how it is easy to reflect and dwell on every moment leading up to you losing him. All I can offer is that I do believe in God and I believe that he will carry you through this. I believe he carried Stetson through this and when this Earth was going to be too much of a burden for Stetson to bear he took him home to where he would not suffer anymore. Mama your little boy was and still is a blessing. He will forever be in your heart!! He will forever be in the hearts of those he touched. Some people go a lifetime without making the impact your little guy made on so many that heard his story.  God will carry you and your family through!! I will continue to keep you in my prayers!!

[AquarianPath]

Nov. 5, 2009 at 7:56 PM

This is so not fair.....

i wish with everything in me that your baby boy were there with you right now.

You and your family are in my prayers