Rantings & wonderings of the day, problems on the homefront

[lotsofchange]

I am feeling like crap today.  All I wanted was to come home & have a nice night with my husband & kids and that all blew out of the water very, very fast.  I guess my thing is I would like a break.  I am tired and have been chasing my tail for the last 4 weeks! 

I've been working straight for the last four weeks only Sundays and a few other days off and they were for my Dad's pre-surgery stuff, surgery and a court hearing.  And last week, I also learned a new route on top of everything else. 

To add to the situation, I've been called in when I wasn't supposed to work because someone was sick and there wasn't anyone to cover.  And this week, I was supposed to have a few days off and I got called in and ended up working all week except today. 

The good thing is it sounds like I should only have to work a couple of days next week.  And I can't complain about the extra money but obviously things aren't good on the home front. 

It is a bit frustrating to me that there are times when I think I will get to come home and have a few minutes to myself but my husband is already here with the kids because he never leaves them at the babysitter much past 3, even though he is supposed to work everyday until 5.  I never get anything read, I barely have time to look through the mail and make sure the bills are paid.  Let alone, the other household stuff that needs to be done- which by the way he does a lot around here but then it's like I'm not doing enough.  Ok, I do know he does it because it needs to be done and he's trying to make it so I don't have to do a bunch when I am home but I've asked him before to let me help do stuff or that I'll take care of xyz and he could take care of abc, or whatever- but he doesn't operate that way.  He's a doer, a worker- always on the go. 

WE definitely have a communication problem!  I mentioned the Love Language book to a friend the other day & I think that is exactly a big part of the problem here. 

Last night wasn't good.  I don't know how to handle my husband's short temper, can't ever joke around personality.  He can be a very angry person and I feel like I supposed to just tip toe around him, it's like I can't rock the boat too much otherwise he gets all pissy about stuff.  I call it the "silet fight".  It is like this most of the time.

I'm tired of feeling like I can't have any fun or any time to myself.  I'm tired of feeling like I can't have a day where I can just sit around and hang out and just do a few things here and there. 

When things get bad I want to just get the hell away from him & wonder if it is worth being here, but why should I leave my own house.  My house is not a home or a haven.  I want it to be but it isn't.  I don't like feeling defeated and not good enough, it is exhausting to be on this emotional rollercoaster.  But, it isn't just my marriage & family.  There is so much other stuff that is always pulling me up and dragging me down- unfortunately it is way too much of the 2nd part and totally not enough of the first! 

I don't want to leave, we have 2 beautiful, wonderful kids.  I want some fun, peace and a place where I know I can relax and hang out.  There are a lot of good things about my husband and yes-I know he is not the problem, I play my part in the situations too. 

So my question is, what to do?  Where to start?  Ready for change, any suggestions or ideas?
Thanks!

 

Tags: husband, kids, work, tired, frustrated, problem

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[debG64]

Nov. 1, 2009 at 6:58 PM

marraige counseling?? IDK, we did that for a while thru the church we went to for a while, and I think it helped some. Sorry to hear you're having a bad go of it, Mary. Trust me, I've been there myself. My husband has mellowed a lot in the last few years, and I'm not really sure how he managed it; maybe it's just getting older and realizing that everything doesn't have to be a battle and don't sweat the small stuff and all that, LOL.

Wishing you all the best, Deb