Ahh, the things we do... 10.30.09

[SnowKristal]

So, I have been living in SO's house here in PA since Aug. 1st. I'm not from here, and we didn't plan on living together this long, I had hoped for the job thing to come thru, and I could get on my own again.

John and I went to college together back in the mid-90's, in Tennessee. We were just friends, even though I did ask him out once (he turned me down, silly man). After only a couple semesters, I went back to Michigan, and he came back here. We didn't stay in contact. Since then I have had my girl, married her father, divorced him. John met his married his ex, they had a son, and then they divorced. Here we are 14 yrs after the last time we saw each other. I found him on FaceBook last winter. We talked for months, decided to see each other for a 'fun weekend' which then turned into another weekend, then another... We've been together since then (5 mths). In July I go out of my lease on my house in Michigan and moved here to be better able to find a job here. I've been living here, jobless for the last 3 mths, it's time to quit being stubborn and go back to Michigan and get my old job back.

It's been crazy! When I came here to stay, I had child support and some savings, well child support stopped almost immediately (again, deadbeat asshole) then my meager savings ran thru VERY quickly. By Sophia's B-day (10/09) I was broke. John had to buy her birthday gifts ($20). Very sweet of him, but not his job. it's MINE. Plus he can barely keep his bills together because HE got downsized!

His son's B-day is this weekend. Of course, he spent 3x as much on his own kid, without thinking how it would make me feel. I'm conflicted, we can't afford the $20 we spent on my girl, and it wasn't his responsibility in the first place, I am grateful, but... hurt because he can find the $60 to spend on his? when our finances haven't changed at all?

Now it's halloween, I made up the girls costume (Alex Russo, Wizards of Waverly Place), then his ex-bitch informs him he HAS to buy his sons costume or he wont get one. Huh... so Aaron gets a new storebought costume which we cant afford, and John will buy Sophi one too so she doesnt feel left out? Nuh uh... I had to make a decision to fix this, not just put a bandaid on it. I told John "thanks hun, but no..." Sophi will be fine, (we did buy new stuff to make her a really cool magic wand) but mommy isn't. I decided if I dont get this last job I interviewed for then I am going back to Michigan. I'm not having Christmas be a traumatic thing for me because I can't pay for my own kids Christmas. I'm not having John divide up HIS money to spend equal fair amounts on his kid and mine, when that money should all go to his kid, and my money go to mine. (We already decided we would set a limit, or make sure they have the same amount of gifts to open at home regardless of who pays for what).

We're NOT married, she's not HIS kid, she's mine. I should be supporting her and buying her gifts, not him. YES...this is a pride thing, but dammit... I'm a single mom who divorced the abusive alcoholic father of my child because I HAVE pride. So sue me.

I'll know more next week. As things stand: If I get the job, we stay here. If I don't get the job I go back to Michigan, move in with my parents (again) and get my old job back.