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Terrible, awful confession
- Oct 31, 2009 at 10:38 PM
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- Comments (13) Total Views (441) Everyone can see this journal post.
I am the world's worst mother.
A mother's job is to protect her children, and I have done the opposite. I feel lower than I ever have since my daughter's birth right now.
My daughter is 13 months old.
Tonight we went trick-or-treating, which was fun and sweet. Little beauty waved hi to everyone and had a good time, we went to just five houses.
Then, I went to support my little sister's band in their fundraiser, a haunted hayride. I told my husband she would probably fall asleep in the car and my mother could watch her really fast while we went on the ride. Then, when she was awake, I still assumed we would leave her with my mom while we went on the five minute ride. When we got there, there was a little girl going on the ride. She was probably between one-and-a-half and two. I thought, well, that will help me to gauge how scary it is so I can decide. When they came back the little girl was fine and first thing I asked the mom how she did and the mom said she was great, fine, no issues. So, we went on. One scream behind us and my sweetheart got scared, but quickly recovered and danced to some music/lights that were on the ride. I went last year, I knew they would scream, but it wasn't super loud and most of it was pretty tame. High school kids dressed up in costume, lights, creepy girls singing la-la-la-la-la. They had a headless horsemen, and DD laughed and did the horse sign. Then we got to a part that wasn't there last year, a beheading with a guiilltine. Then the guy asked who wants to see a head. The boy next to us raises his hand. I assumed he would reveal a bloody fake head and that would be it. But he came up and screamed a terrible scream. My daughter burst into tears and was inconsolable. Just shaking with fear. Snot coming out of her mouth, tears, heaves of the chest, and pee. Awful.
She has no concept of fake scary vs real danger. As far as she knew, her body was in mortal danger. It was the worst thing I could do to her. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I first class fuck-up or what?
When we got to the car she was better and played around, then she nursed and went to sleep in the car.
I am such a bad mother. I feel like I have traumatized her for life. What if she had nightmares? Nightterrors? What is the difference between what I did to her and if something terrible had actually happened. I keep thinking about what happens to kids who go through serious trauma, and all the different ways that could manifest.
DH keeps saying she is fine, she is fine, but that is only on the surface. I have been wishing with all my might that I could go back and change my terrible lapse in judgement.
I wonder what other harm I will put my innocent, undeserving, sweet child in as she grows.
Comments:
I agree with what Guinhyvar said 150%. You did nothing wrong. You were right there to comfort her and reassure her. You are a great mother!
Don't worry about it, hon. A terrible mother wouldn't be worrying about it. We've all screwed up. The more you make an issue of it, the more issues there will be.
You are not a bad mother..just keep on reassuring your kid so she can recover.
your response to the event proves who you are. everyone has lapses in judegment, first of all, but secondly i din't think you did - you didn't know about the beheadinig thing. of course with hindsight you wish you had made a different choice. a terrible mother wouldnt be so upset.
Thanks everyone. I still feel badly because she was just so terrified and how was she to know that we weren't in real danger? But, she seems absolutely fine, no nightmares last night at least. I am going to try to move on and hopefully be more cautious about unnecessary things I expose her too.
Aw I know how you feel..when dd was about 14 month we went to something similar we didn't thought the ride would be scary and it was just awfully loud and scary and dd screamed in panick the whole 1.5 minutes the ride took and it felt like an hour to me. Well she's almost 28 month now and never had nightmares or terrors and i am sure you dd will be just fine. Don't beat yourself up you are so not the worst mother!
If your dd should have nightmares I would just simply take her with you in bed if you're not already doing that :)
Oh honey, last night was a huge fuck up for me too. My daughter is 10 months old and yesterday was her first trick or treat experience. She's never been outside at night for prolonged periods of time, plus she was extremely tired and cranky. She wouldn't stand to be held by ANYONE except me, not even her dad. She clung to me like I was her life preserver or something, she was absolutely inconsolable until she got back in my arms.
Well, my stepmom kept trying to "get her over it" by putting her in the lap of my 11-year-old little brother (he rides in a wheelchair when we walk places because he has cerebral palsey). She absolutely WAILED and screamed bloody frickin murder until I picked her up. I was nearly in tears listening to her scream, I just couldn't take it. When I picked her up and helped her calm down, my stepmom, husband, and dad were like "She's never going to learn to console herself if you always pick her up like that!"
Yeah. Okay. And my husband and I absolutely didn't look like the worst fucking parents ever for letting our daughter scream, hmm? *sigh*
I completely agree with everyone, and especially with what Leticia said: a bad mother wouldn't have even realized that anything was wrong. The fact that you are upset just proves what a good mom you are!
no momma you are not a horrible mother........ I saw a mom at the mall yesterday tell a little guy maybe 3 to stop being a p*ssy and get over it after seeing another kid covered in blood. He was crying and freaked out! What a thing to tell a 3 year old kid!! A baby dressed like Chucky! My girls went crazy. Of course my grandbaby the little monkey just flirted with the other baby. But Chucky? Really?
You where there for her. And will be there for her if she has nightmares but I think she probably forgot about it quicker than you did, that in itself makes you a good mom.....
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Number one, you are far, far from the worst mother in the world. If you had known that there was going to be something that would have terrified her, you wouldn't have taken her, right? Thing is, we can't protect our children from everything, as much as we would love to. The part in this story that counts the very most is that when she was afraid, YOU WERE THERE FOR HER. You fixed her little world, set it to rights again. That is what was most important. You made it better for her. And you will do this again and again and again in the years to come, as I well know, having older children myself, until she can do it for herself.
So far from being a fuck-up, you did good.
As to having nightmares, she might have them, but then again, she might not. If she does, you will be there for her, to soothe away the fear.
Remember that children are very resilient. They process things very differently than we do. They seem to be able to take things that would send us into a tailspin, deal with it, and move on. Her reality is that her safe place is mom and dad, and right now, that's what you are providing. Don't beat yourself up over this. It's alright. You didn't do wrong.
- Guinhyvar
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