Done Trying

[shtteredprnces]

Done Trying

I headed up the stairs without a word, itching my collar bone as I went.  I was so over it.  Walking into my room, I saw the huge monstrosity of a dress laying across my bed.  I ran my hand across my cheeks, wiping away the tears of frustration as I sat down, picking up the gown she meant for me to wear to my wedding.  The red drops fell on it before I even noticed I was bleeding.  Moving my fingers up to my nose, I felt the wetness there, pulling them back to see the blood there. "Seriously?" I said to myself, "She's turned me into fucking Peni!"

I heaved myself off the bed, grabbing a wad of tissues and balling them up, shoving them up my nose.  Walking into the closet, I grabbed some of the maternity clothes I'd bought, not the Morowa approved clothing I'd been wearing for the last two weeks.

I stuck my wand in my pocket, grabbing a scrunchy and tying my hair into a loose ponytail as I penned a note for Blaise:

                      

Taking out my wand, I apparated to the store.  Seeing Reg and J behind the counter, I turned my teary eyes on Jalil, "Can you tell whoever's watching the house I'm here?  Is that ok?"

"Yeah, I can do that.  Your safe here." he said nicely, with no lines or innuedo.  I must look bad, I thought to myself.

Reg came around the front of the counter, "You ok?"

I shook my head no, wiping my eyes once more, "I just need a break, can I hang out here?"

"You know you can," he said with a smile,"You goin' in one of the fantasy rooms?" I nodded, turning to head that way as he asked, "Can I get you anything?"

I turned with a small smile, "Ice cream?"

He grinned, "You got it."

I placed my hand on the scanner, opening the door to see a huge four poster bed with silk sheets and tons of pillows sitting in the middle of the room.  Kicking off my shoes, I climbed in propping myself up on the massive pile of pillows around me, hearing the sound of some of my favorirte songs fill the air.

Reg came in a few minutes later, a huge bowl of ice cream in hand, covered with M&M's and hot fudge.  The man was a life saver.  He handed it to me with a smile, "Do you want me to lay with you?"

"No," I heard the stuffy sound of my own voice from the tissues up my nose, "Thank you though.  Really."

"You look miserable..." he said, his voice still concerned.

"I am miserable," I replied, itching my shoulder once more, "That's why I'm here with this," I held up my ice cream.

"I feel like I need to do something..." he hedged.

"Really, I just want to eat ice cream and cry...none of that will be fun for you to watch.  Thank you though."  I gave him a small smile as he turned to leave, pulling some of the toilet paper out to see my nose bleeding.

Two songs and a half a bowl of ice cream later, I heard a knock on the door followed by his silky smooth voice,  "Sara... Awelewa-mi..." as his head poked around the side.

I sat in the bed, crying, tissues up my nose, ice cream bowl in hand. I knew I was a sight.  Feeling terriable, I wiped my eyes, clearing my throat and tried to sound normal with the tissues shoved up my nose, "Hey gorgeous."

He came in, shutting the door behind him, walking over to me, "hey.... hey now...." he scooped me up, craddling me in his arms, "I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

I leaned into him, loving his strength and the tender way he used it to calm me, he was better than any ice cream, "It's not your fault they all suck," I placed my head on his chest, just listening to the sound of his heart, "Or that I suck and apparently can't handle myself...or any of the other wonderful things my mother likes to say about me"

"This isn't about you. you've done nothing wrong." he pulled back, looking at me, "you're taking the high road and trying to do what's right." he gave a heavy sigh.

I moved out of his arms, knowing he needed comforting too.  It had to be rough for him.  I laid down on the bed propped up on the pillows, pulling him to me so his head rested on my chest.  I kissed the top of his head softy, enjoying just being there in the quiet in his arms.  Sighing I told him, "This is the best I have felt in weeks" laughing as I pulled the bloody tissues from my nose, "That's really sad"

His arms moved around me and I asked him quietly,  "can we just stay here?"

His eyes met mine, "I don't want it to be like this - our lives. There's no reason it should be like this... us run out of our own house."

I sighed again in agreement, leaning down to kiss him lightly as i replied, "I know, but it's not like they're gonna leave when the babies are born.  I mean, House, sure, but at this point House is the least of my problems"

"My Mother is the main one..." his voice trailed off and I bit my lip, There was no way i was going to tell him what a bitch I thought his mother was,  She may be horrible, but she was still his mom and I would be as respectful as I could as long as her attacks were only aimed at me.

He leaned up, pressing his lips to mine once more, obviously seeing the truth of my feelings in my eyes, "If I could make our home... your home yours again, would you come back with me?"

I kissed him again, missing the way it felt to be able to that, as his words sunk in, when had it become my home again I wondered my brow furrowed as I said,  "Our home...I don't want to be there if it's not ours together"

He took a deep breath, looking around the room before moving up to lean over me, "Kiss me for a second..."

I didn't need to be asked twice, I missed being with him like this too much, missed the kissing and the touching and the intimacy.  Wrapping my arms around him, I kissed him with all the pent up passion in me.  His hands buried in my hair, his body moving against mine, making me moan.  My nails trailed down his back as I whispered against his lips,  "I miss this"

His lips moved from mine and I moaned again,  this time because I didn't want it to end yet, I wanted him.  His forehead pressed to mine was like a tease as his lips pressed kisses along my cheek before he sat up with a deep breath.  He stood after a second, looking at me,  "I'm going to go get our house back. Do you want to wait here or come with me?"

I held my hand out to him, having no idea what we were doing, but knowing we shoudl be doing it together,  "We're a team right?"

He took my hand, pulling me to my feet, his eyes determined as my arms wrapped around his waist.

[Amorentia]

Nov. 1, 2009 at 4:36 PM

To read what happened next click here: http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1544615/Cleaning_House

[shtteredprnces]

Nov. 1, 2009 at 4:48 PM

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(Original Poster)