How To Be Horrible In-Laws - Tips From My Ex-InLaws

[AquaGirl33]

The only thing that gets in my craw worse than my ex, are my ex-inlaws.   Here are some signs I learned to discern that might be helpful:

Signs That Your In-Laws Are Losers

1. Make sure if you are the father in law, you constantly complain that the bushes outside your son's home smell like cat pee.  Make sure to ask your daughter in law constantly when she plans on replacing them and nevermind that she has two week old baby. Hasn't she ever read a Peal Buck novel?  What does she think - now that she has  a new baby , she is excused from working in yard or something???

2. Also, if you are the father in law, make sure you tell your favorite family story over and over again - the one about how you had to "bitch slap your wife one time when she got hysterical ". Make sure you tell this story with GREAT ZEST and really RELISH going into explicit detail about how you hit her across the face and then shook her. AFter all , a man should be able to hit his wife and brag about it endlessly!

3. For father in laws out there, make sure you try to out do your son on everything! If he gets a new camera, make sure you go out and get one that is better and more expensive and then brag about it extensively.  Make sure you do this for cars, boats, houses, any electronics, etc.  Make sure you go out of your way to really make your son feel like crap.

4.If you are the mother in law, this one is CRUCIAL: When you stay with your son and DIL make sure to help out.  Helping out consists of complaining about everything -- It's too bright in the kitchen, it's too cold in the guest bedroom, etc.  Make sure to complain about how you don't like the way the vents blow hot air on you and arrogantly ask why your son and DIL can't afford "radiant floor heating" like they have in Europe...

5.  For the mother in law: Constantly  talk about your son's ex girlfriend whose nickname was "Rat" and was in a gang.  Talk about her like she was the greatest thing ever, but downplay her stint in jail. 

6. When staying at your son's house to help out with a new baby make sure you cook all meals for everyone in the family EXCEPT the new mother.  When she seems offended, tell her that you didn't cook for her because the food has garlic in it and she is breast feeding so it wouldn't be good for the baby. point out where the cereal is in the pantry.  She can figure it out from there....

7.  If you are the father in law, make sure you say nice little comments like "Men go into town and the women stay at home" back where I am from.  This really go over well with your DIL.  So make sure you emphasize this so she knows her place.

8  If you are the mother in law.  Make sure to brag that you were anorexic during your pregnancy and only gained 8 pounds and then look at your DIL and say "so what's wrong with you?"

9.  Don't forget to bring up every failure that your son endured...relish these stories and tell them over and over again making him look like an ass.  Don't worry it's okay - he won't stand up to you and he won't defend his wife either which is even better!

10. For the father in law: Don't forget you are an expert about everything!  Make sure you tell your DIL that even though she is Italian, she can't cook Italian food (well not like they do over in Italy).  Not only that she cuts up her pasta so she isn't a "true Italian" because of it.

Hope this helps all of you in laws out there trying so desperately to be butt heads.  This tips are guranteed to work and your DIL or SIL will never forget them!

 

 

[jewjewbee]

Nov. 3, 2009 at 9:21 AM

oh no, another fiesty italian with in law problems. i feel for ya girl,my inlaws are assholes too.