making it more about me

[Zippie]

   It seems for the last year, the harder I try the worse I feel....about everything! So now it's going to be more about me. I still care about my family, I'll still help my mom. I really love my little nephew, more than I ever thought I could love.  And my personal Life well lets just say it has all but disappeared. I have spent at least the last year making myself available for all of these people or the people they are in charge of only to be disappointed or sadden when things don't work out the way I think they should.

    Turns out after many hours of soul searching and some changes at work that were completely out of my control, I have realized the only thing I can really control is how I handle what is put in front of me. The changes at work have cut my hours tremendously but my boss didn't want me to leave so she is paying me the same for less work. I have so much more time on my hands now that I had to find something to do. I joined a gym, I use to love to go to the gym before my life became so hectic. Good thing about that is I have lost 26lbs ! Then My little nephews paternal grandmother has decided she is old enough to be a grandmother now, so she has been wanting Peanut more and more. Who wouldn't I have helped developed a smart and wise 2 year old that is potty trained, plus his new little brother looks so much like his dad. At first I was up set but I knew I had put in so much time with Peanut that he would make their life miserable if he didn't get to come see me, and he did. I just don't have him all weekend.

 My parents, well that's a whole different story, they need me more than ever but I can't allow this to be my life. My Brother has moved into my mothers house and we now talk daily. It seem to me my mom is getting older fast, I still spend Tuesdays with her and now I take her to her Doctors apts.,shopping etc., but this to will end some day. My mom tries so hard to be independent but I think she has waited way to long in life to start having fun. Lesson learned!

  I have started looking for a new career, I had forgotten how much I really know and care about the environment, these days there are alot of jobs that I qualify for if they are willing to give a 50 something a chance. I must have been way ahead of the curve when I first retired because there were not as many jobs involving the environment 12 years ago.

 Wish me luck I'm looking better and feeling better...Come April I'm going to be a real Nana. I can't image loving a child more than I love Peanut but my boss says just wait and see. In the mean time I'm going to be the best person I can be!