I'm an addict.

[mlregalado]

I never thought I'd say those words but it's true. This isn't a joke, it isn't funny like most of my other journals, for once I'm not being witty, or sarcastic. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't look like an addict, I don't drink, I don't buy illegal drugs, I don't take pills. I spend. I go to the store and I buy crap that I don't need. I have anxiety attacks every time I sit down to pay my bills and then I go have a cup of coffee. I pay $4 for a cup of coffee because I can't pay my bills. How much sense does that make?

Two years ago I took guardianship of my nephews, at that point I was $1000 in debt. When the boys came to me they had nothing, no clothes, no shoes, no backpacks. Nothing. So... What do I do? I go spend $1000 on credit cards the FIRST DAY I had them. Of course I had to buy beds and dressers, that couldn't be helped. Over the next six months I continued to buy the kids clothes. I bought them clothes before I paid my rent or car payments or insurance. I did this every month for six months. I racked up $10,000 in debt in those six months. We were getting no assistance for them at that time. It got to the point that I couldn't make my minimum payments on my credit cards. I had to buy groceries on my credit cards because after paying the payments I had no money for food. After six months we started getting Social security for them but it has taken almost 2 years to get this damage under control.

I have been doing a good deal of thinking and I know that I buy stuff because it's on sale. Most of the time(if I bought it for myself) it sits there with the tags on because I feel guilty that I spent money that I don't have. I keep the tags on so that I can return it but then I lose the receipt. I don't go to big stores, I shop at Walmart because, as we have already established, I have no money. I shop the clearance racks because it makes me feel ok for buying things. I prance home pleased with myself because I "saved" so much money. My latest fiasco: I bought $200 worth of decor for my home because I "got a deal". I still can't pay my electric bill.

At this point I am still $1700 in debt and I have to keep resisting the urge to go dump every penny I have onto my credit cards because then I won't have money for food and I'll have to use the cards anyway. I'm resisting the urge to buy more diapers for my baby(we have enough to get through almost 2 days before I have to wash). I'm resisting the urge to go buy myself a pair of jeans(I won't fit them in a month anyway). At this point I'm just resisting. Does that mean I'm in recovery?

[ColleenF30]

Nov. 4, 2009 at 6:59 PM

You've made the first step mama which is admitting it!  I spend too, and stress over the bills.  I have no cards to put mine on, just a measly 1,800 a month for 5 people which barely gets us through.  If you need an ear I'm around.

[Jezture]

Nov. 4, 2009 at 11:58 PM

First step! Second step get into some budgeting classes- find free ones online and findsomething other than spending to make you feel better? Like i used to spend $4 on coffee Mondays and Wednesdays but decided i HAD to have a Wicked Witch of the West coffee mug that was like $20 so I decided if i really wanted the travel mug i had to make my own coffee everymorning- got the mug no more coffee out- it has paid for itself many times over thus far.

Little things like that help. Only go to the Grocer store once- make menus before hand and only buy what you need for them and household necessities. Only go to Walmart once a month- plan all your needs to be gotten then to cut down on impulse purchases.

Try getting a membership to the local Y so you have a place other than the mall/walmart etc to go when bored as that might help cutting spending and they have tons of free classes and might have budgeting help?

[LeilaNanasmommy]

Nov. 7, 2009 at 11:41 AM

I guess having a friend that has the same problem isnt so healthy either huh? LOL...I do the same thing, but i dont have credit cards. Been there done that, never will again, Be strong mama, its going to get better! Love ya!